ZYCERAK UPDATE
imagine if we had tails and big ears on top of our heads and were super fluffy all over and had maws and paws and fangs and claws, and we howled together at the moon and barked and wagged our tails :3 . well WAKE UP because this is the real world where we have to do work and grind and find meaning. a lack of purpose and meaning is the result of privilege and luxury, objective purpose is finding food, water, reproducing, etc, but when its handed to you, or you are detached from the process of harvesting food, it will seem like actions that lead to the acquiring of food are where the purpose lies. my purpose, right now, is to post this message onto the forums, because eventually I will get food, and I can not prove that posting on forums had no impact on me acquiring the food because the food appears and I do not see it being harvested by my own two hands. our societies are engrained in decoration and distractions from the true essence of life, technological advancements only matter in the field of medicine and everything else is decoration, excess, useless, distracting, deceiving, corrupting, and ultimately, every single person (YES you, and YES me) is completely delusional, because we have strayed so far away from the real essence of living. that is, living for survival. once we had a taste for decoration, we wanted more, and more, and more
right now, my purpose is also to do some research for a class. fudge a research assignment, I don't read, and I don't organize my thoughts, and also, my brain is so fried and I can not form coherent paragraphs, and I can not process and organize the information I obtain cohesively. im skimming, bookmarking articles, writing a couple sentences and then delete them, find more articles, right some more sentences then delete them, and I havent decided a direction or a topic. so in my quest to achieve my active purpose, I went to the forums, here, to warm up my mind, and start writing, and get in the flow of writing from my heart, from my intuition, and let it all out, without doubt, or self censoring, or editing and revising before I even have words out. this research is due monday, and it is thursday right now, which is pretty much friday, and friday is just an extension of the weekend, so its pretty much the end of the weekend and its basically due tomorrow. I have other work due tuesday but its hard to prioritize, because tuesdays work is easier, so im wondering if it would be more productive for me to do that now, instead of sitting at a blank document for hours, and hopefully I can tap into some divine source later
HUMANITY IS DOOMED! NOTHING IS WORTH SAVING! WE ALL NEED TO DIE... NOW!!! IT'S HOPELESS! we are more savage than the wildest of beasts. evil will work its way into any power structure that we can devise. we are doomed to keep repeating this cycle of torment. not unless someone as strong, brave, and smart as me takes charge and leads society to a better future. we just need to cull about 7.5 billion people and rebuild society from scratch. however, because I am the saviour of humankind, I put a lot of pressure on myself and it is my expectation for myself to save humanity. because stress and expectancy are my primary motivators, I will never feel good in my life. every step I take is a failure because it hasnt resulted in me saving humanity. once I save humanity, I will only feel relief, no sense of reward, no nothing. this makes it really hard to motivate myself to save humanity, and even harder to motivate myself to write this research paper, because this research will not save humanity at all. therefore, I have accepted that I will never become the saviour of humanity, and humanity is doomed, so we might as well accept evil into our lives and become the worst people we can be
you can't spell delusion without desire. you can't spell delusion with desire either, you just need a few of the letters. d-e-s-i. desire without delusion is just "re", unless you wanted to use the "e" twice, then it would just be "r". money, cars, featured tracks, VIP forums badge, social status, new headgear, mansion, hoes, all are not true desires. the realest desire is eat, sleep, and sometimes social interaction or sex. after becoming woke, I realized I no longer desire anything, and nothing brings me any sense of joy, except sleeping, and eating. this research paper is my enemy, the enemy of society, and a symbol of the downfall of society, how do I explain that to my professor? my life mission is to be as lazy as possible and sleep as much as possible, but I am severely inhibited by stress and the desire to appeal to others. if I had control over my life, even just a little control over my mind and body, I would choose to sleep and eat all day, my only true desires, and the only true rational and objective desires
right now, my obsession is this research paper, I feel it circling me, consuming me, devouring me whole, I want to run away, escape, hide, do anything to avoid this research paper. I fantasize about taking a giant bat and beating everyone in my life to death because they somehow contributed to this research paper that I have to write. nothing else in the world matters right now except for the research that I have to do and dont want to do. ii can put it off, I have a lot of time to complete it if I dont sleep. the fate of humanity lies on this research paper, since I am the saviour of humanity, and my success is determined by the success of this research paper, because if I fail to complete it, ill probably flunk out of university, be kicked out of my house, and die of a fentanyl overdose on the streets, and humanity will never be saved
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