Pour Your Heart Out

I can relate to afterimage quite a bit in these things though. I had to make the leap to trust people and open up to them myself. This helped but I also depended on them too much and when they let me down I was devastated and I focused on the times that they'd mess up as opposed to all the times they've tried to help.

AfterImage
I've had friends seem to get frustrated with me because they see I'm not helping myself in certain ways and even though they've advised me to, extensively. So going through my depression, I make the world very much about me. I become sensitive to others' faults that pertain to me and hyperfocus on whatever they've done wrong to me. But no one is perfect and afterimage you have to realize that other people have issues of some sort as well and they have their own things to deal with. Them asking you how you're doing at all is a very great thing. I don't know what they are like but I think you might just be too cynical to realize that they want to help. You need some way to get out of your depression and you have to want to and you have to seek that out. Try to cope in healthy ways (hobbies, music, socializing, whatever works for you, experimemt!). You need to find your own coping skills which might take experimentation and you can ask God to lead you to them. Like I said, you weren't made for no reason so there has to be things you feel you are made to do, which has to be a good feeling. Friends will disappoint you and any kind of coping method will never satisfy you though. I strongly recommend asking the Lord Jesus for help and you can find fulfillment with Him in your life.

 

AfterImage
I know how hard it is to get out. I'm in the process myself. A couple years ago every morning I wished I didn't even wake up. I had to drop out last semester of college because I was just having such a rough time mentally, thinking of suicide and panicking and being so easily overwhelmed. I'm in college again, and I constantly have to work on exiting my comfort zone in many ways in my life and I have to take steps myself to help myself. Like I said life will be there no matter what attitude you have so you might as well work on having a better outlook on things. I push myself to ask God for help. I push myself to ask others to pray for me. I have to fight my own anxiety. I have to deal with my own trauma. I have bipolar (1) disorder and believe me mental illness is real don't let someone make you think it isn't. Believe me I know. Life is not easy. It's very hard even though you might have a relatively "easy" life (not starving etc.). You don't have any choice but to fight. Don't make suic.ide an option. Don't let it be a choice. Your only way is to fight through which may sound intimidating, and it's a progression. And it's not like you'll snap and stop struggling. But you just have to help yourself. And if you can't help yourself please ask God to and ask him anyway. Try to quiet your mind (believe me I know it's very hard). Positive distractions are a very good thing. But you have to deal with reality as well even though it is very hard to. But find ways to help you cope. You need to want to be healed. You can't let your identity be your mental illness. You can acknowledge it. But your name isn't depression. That's not your name. Don't latch on to it as your identity. You might not even want to let it go. It is very hard for me to even do basic tasks and it's easier to just avoid them and avoid reality however I can. But reality will always come back and taking easier ways out have their consequences because it can leave depressed and useless or shocked with misery when you are no longer distracted. Just please. Try. That's all you can do. Phillipians 4:13 is "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." I don't have it together myself and no one really does. Don't be tricked into believing you're the only one who struggles.

 

Lol and here I go falling into depression over the tense relationship I have with my dad now. Anyone good at handling parents? They are very overprotective. I’m working on being more and more independent but it’s hard when it feels like they shoot me down when I make a mistake or nag me over things or just be really overbearing to the point where I can get panic attacks. AfterImage I’ve been trying to help you with what I do know but I am still very much a work in progress. So now I’m putting this out there. Also when I said “parents” it’s mostly my dad. It seems like I’m always not good enough for him. And when I do accomplish things it feels like he still focuses on what I haven’t accomplished.

 

My dad doesn't struggle with this in many aspects of life, but school is definitely difficult, aside from the fact that it's, yknow, school. For my first biology quarterly exam, I studied hard all week long. I must have put ten hours into studying. And when test day came, I got a 94. The first thing my dad did is ask why I didn't get a better grade. I'm not allowed to get anything lower than an A- on a test or my computer privileges will be taken away until I can get a "good" grade on the same kind of test. I was involved in an online community for writing, and my mom said I couldn't talk to them until I was fourteen. What changes then? Do you magically become wiser or less easily disturbed by things? Not in my case. She said it was because she was protecting me, and in retrospect I was spending a lot of time talking and not so much time writing, but I am still confused as to how that decision made me a better person in any respect. I lost all motivation for writing for an entire year. I maybe wrote three thousand words. The year before that, I wrote over sixty thousand words. My strategy is just don't say anything that you know will make them upset. I know in your case you are certainly older, which in some aspects makes it harder because you have to balance your life with their expectations. My advice is to focus on what you need to do to get through school, and what God wants you to do. At some point your parents will become less than authority figures, which I struggle to imagine right now, but remember that your actions are no longer controlled by them.

 

that hit hard

 

Ok yeah i am not allowed to be on this thread an minimal forums anymore. thanks yall. Might be getting a counselor. My Dad doesnt want me on here bc people can "convince you too c o m m it s.u i si de. (ik i spelled it wrong) but he is wrong and you guys help. I convinced him to let me get a "cou nsel or" of sorts and idk how things are gonna turn out. Thanks though.

 

I have many much anxiety a lot, with many much sadness. And sometimes i act like i am fine, but i actually am not very happy sometimes. I do not know why. And sometimes i am happy, But sometimes for a whole week, i am irritable and stuff. Ok bye bye

 

A little bit ago, I told someone about how it isn’t always the best to keep things in the inside. Sometimes it’s good to share and get things off your chest. That’s when I realized that my own advice could be applicable to myself. I feel like it’s a little hypocritical to try and help people with their problems when you never follow the advice you’ve told them yourself.

Anyway, I posted on here a while ago about a voice in my head that constantly bugs me. (Sometimes I call it brain. Technically it’s part of my brain but the rest my brain it pretty neat. I like having the ability to live.) Anyway, the voice will say nasty things and cuss at me and others. I also mentioned my dreams, and how they were like the voice but worse. Well, both of them have sort of evolved since then. The unhelpful comments have turned into “Go drown”, the voice is there more frequently, and it’s starting to become more bothersome. When someone’s talking to you two thirds of your wake/dreaming hours it’s hard to think, hard to concentrate, and above all hard to talk to people! Have you ever tried to talk to two people at once? Yeah, try doing that for half your conversations. It’s tricky. You fumble words, you stutter, not fun. My friends are also starting to notice a difference. I used to be pretty self centered and had pretty big ego. Now, that’s not the case. It’s not your stereotypical “I’m a teenager and I hate myself and everyone else!” type of thing though. I don’t mention it all the time. It’s just that after hearing something for long enough, it starts to get to you. Naturally, when you stop bragging all the time and become the butt of all your jokes something seems off. They”ll jokingly say “Are you okay (insert name here)?” “Do you need help or something?” All more reminders that the voice is ganing more influence. Now, will I go the extra step and actually commit…you know? I doubt it. I currently have no plans to and think the idea is revolting. I don’t even think I could drown myself if I tried. (Although they do give me other “suggestions”). When I get older is where I’m not 100% sure. Teenagers are dumb. Myself included. That right there is just a fact. I don’t want to do something I’ll regret or won’t be able to regret. I’m sure it would also hurt the people who care about me. I think I have a pretty good life. It would be such a waste to throw it all away. Hopefully I won’t. I don’t think I will, but yeah. That’s where I’m at.

Boom! Not a hypocrite! I did it. I just did, it. Bam! Nice! You better believe I’m gonna turn something serious into a joke. That’s basically my job! I just don’t get paid…

 

Dont commit --------!!! it is bad. but anyway, i have a similar thing in my head, except it isn't saying death threats. mine is saying different things. It has happened ever since the beginning of fifth grade. And now i am in seventh grade. and it is still happening. But not as bad anymore. And also, i have some very very important things to say. If you ignore to the voice for a long period of time, and if you say something like, im not afraid of you, voice!!! then it will gradually stop.

 

?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

 

Thanks for the advice! I wouldn’t necessarily say I’m scared of it, or that I respond to it frequently. But you never know. Maybe it’ll stop getting worse and get better.

 

I’m only in my third week of my semester and I’m starting to revert to succumbing to stress. It’s a long road of healing for me and it’s very much up and down.

 

That could be psychosis/hallucinations. You might need meds for that. I used to be on ones for that. I still have intrusive thoughts but it’s gotten better. They’re not exactly the same as yours. But I can relate somewhat. It’s almost like a voice like yours, it’s almost like a separate entity daring me to do things I don’t want to. I try to concentrate on something else until it goes away (like quietly air drumming my favorite song.) In the live version she screams SHUT UP!!! really loudly so I play that over in my head to myself and try to distract myself from it. It’s called I’m So Sick by Flyleaf. It’s gotten better though. Try to have a little thing you can go to like replaying music in your head if you need to. Try to entertain it to the smallest extent possible. It’s almost like this thing is part of me, but not. It’s weird. I have to try my best to let my true self not get pulled away and entertain the intrusive thoughts. The key is focusing on the lack of logic in intrusive thoughts and use your mind in healthy ways like focusing on accomplishing things. And also you do need to help yourself first. If you’re empty you can’t fill someone else up. It’s not wrong to help in ways you can though. I struggle with hypocrisy in a lot of ways. I just try to share what has helped, although I still struggling in many of the same things repeatedly, but I’m trying to try (for lack of better words).

 

we all complain in our daily lives about random things very often, but for a change, lets each name something great about life! i'll start:

i really like it when i see creatures of nature interacting with each other in a nice way, a dog that suddenly sees a butterfly and he just stares at it, a cat being gentle with an egg, pandas doing literally anything, or when you feed a cat for a while then it disappears and after a while it comes back with her newborn babies, dogs playing with baby humans, they all just give me an amazing feeling. among other things of course, but thats all of what i'll say for this time.

what about you?

 

something great about life:

I like when I can interact and be with the people who I love, such as family, and have a good time, even if we do stupid things
It makes me feel like a part of something, and gives me a sense of belonging, no matter how short it may end up being

I like this as well, cool to see and van pit you at ease in a way, kinda reminds you that other animals are similar to humans as well, and can be gentle with things just the same, also it may help with alleviating stress to some people as well, that small moment of perfection

 

I enjoy going to church and interacting with the few friends that I have, because it reminds me that at least I have people irl that I can go to to talk about random things.

 

the fact that food is designed to be eaten

 

I love learning things. There is so much to learn, and even though school kinda sucks sometimes tbh, it's also very underrated. I like to think of it as a game. The world is also just so full of knowledge and I think it is very good to obtain that knowledge. Especially when you just sit down and have a conversation with somebody insightful and you each share your ideas and knowledge with one another. Even learning online is actually pretty fun - By watching a youtube video or by playing games. For me I like learning Geography, Engineering, History, and some Finance/Business related things. I know I sound like a nerd lol, but knowledge is power.

 

I agree for the most part, but you forgot all those videos about pandas literally yeeting their offspring