Pour Your Heart Out

Ok sorry about that man.

 

I live in fear of being on this website everyday now because predators have been unbanned from this peaceful website that used to be a safe place for many.

 

sorry guys.. no comeback
But I want to thank the people who gave advice to me. While I was beyond fixing, it doesn't make those good Samaritans any less credit worthy
I like to thank awesomeman82 and Madara especially due to the prevention of a sad time
I want to send thanks to the people who considered me worthy, and even the people who hated me. I wanted to understand both points of view, but it really didn't help positively in the end

My main point is to not be like me, and here's how:
Don't let people get to you (be yourself, and ignore anyone that solely tries to put you down)
Don't do anything harmful to yourself (don't hurt yourself in any way, you are the most important person in your own life
Live life to the fullest (just go and live your life how you want, and make it the greatest you can make it)
Whether my message fall on deaf ears, or it reach those who strive to understand more, I put this out here in an attempt to give you guys some help if you ever find yourself in a bad situation, and hopefully save you (in some degree) from doing anything bad.

Ily you all
~ Sham

 

i was, but i barely did anything

 

One thing that I think everyone here is sad about is the COVID-19 pandemic. It has affected all of us here. Sometimes in my sleep I always dream that one day there's an FRHD contest and we can get together in-person...like those gaming contests. *sigh* Too bad COVID hit and we all are stuck at home...
I just want to thank the FRHD community for this. This has kept me through and through in the pandemic and I hope someday we have better days.

 

My mom and dad are divorced, have been since I was 4 and really don't know a life with both my parents. Well 11 years have gone by (do the math if you want my age) and I gave up on the dream of my mom and dad getting back together after my dad remarried and brought into this world my step sister. It's really fine though and that's not the issue I'm having or why I'm sharing this with you, it's all just for context. My real issue is now that my dad is filing to have a review of parenting and is trying to take me and my brother from my mom to live with him. The reasoning behind it is imo kinda loose. My mom is very loving and caring, she does her best and has done nothing to deserve the review of custody and over it all, my dad is essentially throwing his actions under our name and saying it's all for us even though I've explicitly told him I don't want to move. This isn't the first time they've fought through the court, really they've been fighting my entire life, but I'm just over it. I can't stand them fighting over and over for the littlest things and I'm always caught up in the middle. I don't know what to do because there isn't anything I can do, I've tried asking them to not put me in the middle like 3 times and they respect my words until the next time they fight, I can't take myself out of the equation because I live with them, and I can't / don't talk to anyone because there isn't anything people can do. To that note this is just me venting. I know I can't be the only one going through this and I hope through this message, others who are experiencing the same thing know they aren't alone.

 

Also My dad isn't a bad person either, he is a very kind and loving man and father. I get that what he is doing is in his opinion the right thing for his kids and I respect that. I just don't agree with it and don't know how to deal with it.

 

Wayward
thanks for sharing man. and sorry for the divorce, but what can we do, parents dont always get along. sorry you had to go through that. anyways, since you want to stay with your mom and if she is as loving and caring as you claim then I salute you for your decision. moms are much more important to a person than the father for various reasons. i have not been through that situation but i know a thing or two about making them listen to you. i think you should try talking to your dad in private. tell him that you want to stay with your mom and the reasons for that. and if he is a good man he'll accept that and respect your decision. and if you have done that and he still ignored you ten remind him again and say i thought we talked about this and you ignored me. now im not sure how the situation is in detail but this is what i think about it and you should evaluate it and see whats the best way to react to it. maybe even sit both your parents down and talk to them together if thats possible. maybe ask a trusting relative to explain your point of view to them. or even writing a letter to your dad lol. so there are quite a few things that you can do. i hope it all ends well. and if possible, keep us updated on how it goes.

 

Yeah the thing is that I've tried all of that (minus the "get the two together in one room to talk to them") and nothing has worked. The best thing I've done to communicate my feelings is I've gotten myself a lawyer to speak my words for me in court. It all just feels like I'm burning bridges with my dad because I don't agree with him and I don't know how to cope with that.

 

FIREBEATS Life Story Updated

Chapter 1
When I was 2 years old I live in a crackhouse my mom would do lots of drugs and smoke and drink. We were poor and we had one room that had a bathroom, kitchen, bedroom, and other crappy stuff. We had to sleep in the same bed I also had a sister Jessica. My mom also had a bf he was a nice guy he got my sister a toy jeep to ride on, but I got a big @ss bike that I could barely sit on. My sister had it all good but I had it worst. My mom didn't have a car or money so I walk to this house where my they gave us food to eat. They lived right down the street from us. My mom was friends with her and she didn't like seeing us not getting fed. Then after a couple of days my mom got a cat but she didn't have any money how did she get the cat, she never said. Well one day my sister was riding in her toy jeep and I was trying to ride the bike and then we heard something in the sky. I went over to see what was happening and a eagle picked up the cat and took it from the yard. My sister was so sad she was asking will the cat come back but my mom didn't say anything like she always does. The cat never came back and my sister was heart broken.

Chapter 2
I went to lots of houses when I was little and this one guy hated me so much. So I was going to get a bath and he walk inside to wash his hands. It was easter today and I ask can I have my basket. He said no and I ask why. He didn't say anything then I started to cry and then I turn around to get in the tub and he turn me around and pop me right in the face. I fell into the bath tub. It felt like I was hit by a car. I hit the tub and my nose was bleeding all over the place. My nose was broken and he was just standing there doing nothing but staring at me bleeding. My mom wasn't there to do anything even if she was she would not do anything to help. My sister was outside I think and then she heard me crying and she ran inside to see if I was ok. Well the guy who did it got arrested and sent to prison.
Chapter 3
Well after the guy who punched me in the nose went to prison I went to other houses with other people. I was at this house right down the street from that guys house and I was at my mom's mother's house. I thought she was all nice and stuff but she turned out to be a drug user. I sat on her bed and ate grapes and watch tv and I would hear her yelling at her husband. Then there was lots of banging and I could not take it. I went to see what was going on but then I turned back for some reason. Then she will come sit with me on the bed and tell me she loves me. I didn't know what to say so I just said nothing. This lady look like she was dead her face was pale her hair was black and messy. Everyday she smoke in the house and next to me when I was on the bed. After that I went to a different house.
Chapter 4
I went to this program that help me with my issues and my moms too.
They would have different groups for us and we would talk about the stuff that happen in the past. I still got to that program sometimes. I was with my mom and we were going to go eat dinner at the program and there was some random kid going crazy in the lunch room. This is what scared me so much. The kid was cursing and and punching tables and walls, also people. Then he went near the door I was at and called a B!TCH!!! I was like 3 years old so I was scared. Then the kid go tackled to the ground. After five mins the cops came and arrested the kid. Then after that I went in the lunch room to eat dinner.
Chapter 5
I was going to a group where people go when they have issues with their parents. I sat down with this lady with orange hair and she look like she was a boss or something. I still talk to this lady today and she helps me sometimes. Well when I heard that my sister and I where going to a new house to live. I still live there right now and I love it. Before we went there we had a party at the program and we had fun. I was 3 years old so I didn't know what was happening but I do now. I remember saying bye to my mom in the parking lot. I was crying my eyes out and I couldn't stop. I went into a car and my sister and I were going to the new house. Well I was stupid because I open the door while the car was moving and jumped out of the car and fell down a hill. The car quickly stopped and the lady ran right out of the car and went to go get me. After that was done we went to get something to eat and then we headed to the house.



Chapter 6
Well I changed now I told my parent's that I am Bi-Sexual and they still love me for who I am.
I am really happy that they don't hate me. I have been keeping that secret for a long time and I just didn't want to say anything about it yet but I thought it was the right time so I told them.
I still haven't told my whole family but I will soon. Also something happen to my dad's mom. My dad got a letter from someone and when he came home he read it and the sad part is that he was smiling when I gave him the letter.
But then that smile went away. I don't know what the letter was about but it was bad or sad. I will keep everyone up to date with this.
Chapter 7
My family is crazy
My sister is stressed about work my dad lost one of jobs and my mom isn't working.
Then I have to deal with all of the drama and I am sick of it.
I shouldn't have to go through.
To be honest nobody should have to go through something like that.
I been have a crazy week and I hope this week is good.

Chapter 8

Well a lot has happen lately I got a job and I make more money then I can keep.
I also was doing this one job and I accidentally hit a ground bee's nest. You should already know where I am going with this. The bee's chased me and I got stung 10 times.
Now I can't brag that I never got stung by a bee.
Now that I think about it I can say I got stung an a whole bunch of bee's.
I also am stepping up my rap career.
I am close to 1000 followers on RapFame and I am getting better and better everyday.
I also am going into 11th grade.
It was hard this year but I can make it work this year I guess.

Chapter 9

Well it is Friday today and I have some amazing news. I am getting paid today and I am going to reach 1,500 dollars today. It seems like a lot to me but it's really not that much.
I am saving it for when I grow up and I can buy a house or rent a apartment.

 

if i have any advice worth while for you, its to save as much as you can. idk about you, but for me buying cool **** seemed more important but its not. you can always get that **** later. save up as much as you can so you can make it in the world. tuck like 70 percent of each paycheck into savings. you really wont regret it.

 

I know nobody cares but my irl boyfriend left me for someone else so now I'm all alone
I know some people on here don't think LGBTQ are welcome here so I don't I want to be on here anymore.
Elibloodthirst has been bullying me since December and people think it's funny but it's really not funny.
Some days I think about killing myself because all the hate.
I know I messed up but nobody will give me a second chance and nobody cares to be honest but I think Elibloodthirst does because he doesn't shut up about it like I am 15 and he is in his 20's but he acts like he's 10.
I mean I am not perfect and I know that but I like to be treated with respect.
Like for real nobody knows how I feel about all of this. I really do think about taking my life but I don't want the haters to win.
Elibloodthirst to me to kill myself on the FRHD Discord Server and that really got me thinking what do I need to do to make the pain go away.
Elibloodthirst thinks he's funny but he's not he is just a prick (sorry for using that word but its true)
Totoca12 and Eryp unbanned me because they are giving me a second chance and all of you should too.
I don't care if you guys don't like me I just love this game so much it's like my second home.
Also recently my boss for work is treating me like a slave and I get called so many bad things.
I can't do nothing about it or I will lose my job.
Well I hope you people understand but if you don't then that's fine not everybody can understand.

 

my advice is to get some help from a professional who knows what they're talking about instead of posting about it on the forums of a browser game about biking

 

Thank you

 

Not sure why I'm posting here since nobody's gonna read it anyway

Not doing too good, starting to think maybe all the people who hurt me were really right
I've been hurting for over a year, and I can't seen to catch a break, but I'm not sure why. Maybe it's just the wrong type of people is who I meet, or maybe it's because I'm just not enough, but it never seems to go my way in much that I do. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to handle this, but I don't even feel like asking for help at this point because I just don't trust anyone.
Keep in mind that I'm not asking for help from a community of a bike racing game, I'm just a bit curious if anyone might have some idea what's wrong with my situation (and sorry if I didn't explain it very well, I'm not a very good explainer)
I honestly hate myself though, and despite that I still want to be happy. I can't take any negative talk because of it, even if it isn't intentionally meant to hurt me. I can't trust anyone because of how I've been treated, and I'm gonna run out of places to fall back on soon
I'm just not sure what to do, and I know that nobody may help me here but I'm gonna post it in the hopes that someone may respond. It's better than clamming shut and fully blaming myself, and never asking for help, but it barely seems better at all.
If someone has genuine advice, please let me know. I'm already gonna start asking around for help, but I feel like it's not gonna work again. Better to try than to not, I guess.
If anyone has something to say then it will be appreciated, and thank you if you take some of your time to read this.

 

OK thanks ShamatoZ for this. You're a brave person. I'll try and see if I can relate to this to give you some sort of help. Just give me some time.

 

if you wanna have a genuine conversation. pm me. let me know the whole story. i can try my best to talk with you, maybe give you some wisdom, advice, and just listen. if not i hope you get through it. life is **** some times. but you just gotta keep going. no matter waht.

 

A wise man once said, Everyone needs a friend (And man should not live alone).
ShamatoZ I think it's a good idea to open up to someone about your troubles. Especially someone who's wise like rationalities.

 

I'm sure you've been told a bunch of times that "this is only a season" or "don't listen to them, they're only hurting you because they are hurting themselves" and they're right, but I don't think that's what you need. Just saying that something is the case doesn't change the fact that it's still happening, and I think that quite frankly, you aren't listening to them anymore because you've been hurting for so long that it just doesn't seem possible for things to just "be a season." So I won't tell you that. I don't know what your situation is like, or how you're being hurt, or who you're being hurt by, and if you're not comfortable sharing that it's totally okay, I don't need it to help you. Believe me I've been in some extremely toxic relationships and it's really freakin hard to think you're something more when all you're hearing is people talking about your bad traits. If I'm not mistaken (and please tell me if I am) you're struggling with self worth for the most part, right? If I got the gist correctly, you're struggling with how to be "human" when everyone around you is treating you less. It sucks being in that situation because there isn't a really easy way out. Personally, the only way I got out was by leaving them all but that left me extremely lonely for they were all I had. I don't want that for you, you deserve better than that. What you need isn't for someone to tell you that it will be over soon, it'll be over when it's over, however long that is. What you need is for someone to sit, listen, and focus on you. So if worst comes to worst and you feel like you're nothing, I hope you know that you have a little bike game with a community of people to fall back too. We won't leave you if the rest of the world does.

It's really good that you are wanting to be happy and stay as "positive" as you can be, that's a lifesaving belief to have. There is good in everything, even the little things and it's great that you can see that, a lot of people can't. (If you haven't already and are able too, I recommend just sitting and watching the sunset. Really just sit on your roof or lawn and let your mind go blank with the sunset, It's very therapeutic and calming, at least for me) So if you start to think you have nothing, above all else, you have a wonderful skill people dream of having.

One more thing, if you need anyone to talk to, you have your friends Madara, rationalities, and wayward here who will listen to you whenever you need it. Take care my friend.