Pour Your Heart Out

yes, i won't harm myself and i don't hate myself

 

Oh my goodness gracious where has this thread been my whole life. Not only am I finding people who are so much like me it's scary, but also I'm learning things about people that are going through things just like me, sorta. I guess it's nice to know that people are human and actually open up on this game

 

I'm so happy this game has evolved from just a bike game to a full blown community of people, and nice people at that. People who are open and compassionate to others and newer players, treating everyone like a family

 

Perhaps the point of life is to make one

 

here let me beat a dead horse for a little and just vent. This most likely won't make sense to anyone and will be super scattered but this is just for me and anyone who is like me or experiencing the same thing

I'm a super social person, like extremely social. I'm not the kid who is loud or stands out, but I try to make friends with everyone and be a good friend. This is a double edged sword because I often get called a player by people who don't know me and get told to stick to one group of friends but I just can't. also I like school and like to learn new things, I like to excel in what I do and try to be the best that I can be. When covid hit though, everything went away in an instant. Everything that was my life, my friends, school, the ability to just be around people in general. I grew depressed and super lonely real quick and to this day really haven't found myself out of that pit, but to me the hardest part to cope and still coping with was that I most likely won't be able to see them again. Covid hit when I was in 8th grade and all of my friends are going to different high schools and getting into different friend groups. So all of those unfinished conversations, plans for sleep overs, hang outs, meet ups, etc. won't ever happen. At least not until it is too late and everyone has moved one.

I struggle when it comes to change. I don't accept when something changes real easy and to accept the new normal is a completely different story entirely, and it really eats me up. I have this tendency to put the blame on myself for anything and everything wrong that happens, for instance a friend gets mad at me, and I don't know why I do it even when I know I wasn't apart of it or apart of the process, but I still find a way to blame me. I'm someone who wants to please everyone, and will always choose the option the makes everyone happy. I can't stand it when people are mad at me, friend or family, and will do anything to be helpful to people. I'm super self conscious and always wear a sweatshirt and sweat pants because I feel closure and safety in it, even though I get criticized for wearing clothes not appropriate for school, I just melt into a ball because I don't know what to do because I want to please my friends but I also want to feel safe in my own clothes. I feel exposed when I'm wearing shorts or a tee-shirt and feel venerable when I don't have something over or in my ears (I know that sounds super weird but I feel more safe and comforted when I'm listening to music and not the outside world) so i have ear buds or headphones on whenever I can, even if the earbuds aren't plugged into my phone or aren't playing music. I'm self conscious about my body and how I look, talk, act, and appear. I'm 6'1" and at my old school I was a good 2 inches taller then anyone else, and for that I felt out of place. There's a lot more that at this time I don't feel comfortable sharing at this time and don't have the time to share. If people want to know more then please ask and thank you for reading up to this point. I get that this is all a year ago but this is the first time that I am able to talk about it

 

So if I understand correctly, you are self conscious about your body, and try to hide it by wearing covering clothes and being friends with everybody so that they dont pay attention to the things you dont like about yourself? Please correct me if I missed something

 

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 

To sum it up yes and no. I'm self conscious and I wear sweats and sweatshirts because it makes me feel comfortable and safe. I'm not friends with everyone so they don't notice my insecurities, I'm just friends with everyone because that's how I am.

 

I wouldn't understand what its like to have a dad

 

That's all just school related and is different to what everyone else is posting. Reading back on it i sound selfish and all that but I'm not comfortable sharing family stuff yet and all that has been in me since forever

 

you can tell anyone once your ready, no one is forcing you to share anything.

 

Thank you, maybe sometime in the future, or when I'm feeling down

 

What Happened?

 

he just left

 

damn..... rip

 

Try your best to get your assignments done and stay on your call until the end. This might be wrong, but I think that you are not getting those assignments done because you want to play Free Rider. The track will always be there later. It's better to get into a habit of just getting your assignments done when you are supposed to, instead of waiting until the last minute possible.

Also, to stop being on your chromebook as much, which is good for you too (not only making you mom happy), try picking up some hobbies and going for short walks/runs outside. Try your hardest to meet up with friends. When you feel like life isn't worth it anymore, try going to Jesus. I know that you aren't religious, but it helps me and so many other people, so I suggest introducing christianity to your life.


ShamatoZ good luck on coming out to your family

 

i don't procrastinate very much, and i almost always get my assignments done on time, almost every missing assignment i've ever had is from art class, this is because my teacher doesn't post assignments on google classroom and i forget what my art teacher wants me to do i will pay more attention to her next time. i just went for a 30 minute walk (before seeing this) to observe nature and because of the absolute perfect weather. i respectfully reject jesus christ.

 

This one's kinda weird but:
A few months after US went into lockdown and the schools shut down, I moved. I just live with my brother and mom but my mom wanted to marry this really smart dude. So we move like an hour away and I wouldn't say I have a lot of friends to begin with, but they just started leaving once lockdown started(and I could barely hang out with them because no one wants to drive for an hour to hang out with a mediocre friend), and then some stupid friend "drama" went down. And thEn the situation with the smart dude turned sour and the relationship in our house turned very toxic. I began to really hate him to the point I had to stay at my grandma's house. Anyway, I've been at my grandma's for like a month and a half, still failing most of my classes, really not doing much better, and recently I find out that we're moving back. I don't know how to deal with moving back, I did a lot of things that I wish I didn't and I guess I thought I could run away (she's a runner she's a track star...) I guess I'm just asking how do I clean it up? Or should I just make new friends? But I also want to focus on myself... life is complicated...(sorry if this makes no sense I'm evaporating rn)

 

Aye dude just know we all got you here. We're your big crazy family you never had and we'll help the best we can to make sure you pull through

 

thanks Idea man