Pour Your Heart Out

I love you

 

"Dear _____,
I wanted to share some thoughts I've been holding onto, refelcting how I've been feeling lately. The past few months have been difficult, and I've been trying to process emotions that come up day to day, but that i don't always mange to express.
It's painful to remember feeling valued in a relationship, only for it to end and leave me with an emptiness I don't know how to fill. Some nights, loneliness and sadness weigh heavily, and I fear I'll eventually break down in ways I can't control. While sometimes I feel like disappearing, It's more a desire to escape this state of mind, to step away from feeling trapped in this cycle."

That, is a snippet of a letter i wrote to a friend of my father, who is a therapist. I wrote it back in 2024, and never sent it. I was scared. Scared of my feelings, scared of others seeing me as weak, scared of people caring about me. Sometimes we, as men, don't talk about our feelings, because it is seen as weak, but it actually isn't. One of my friends told me the other day that his relationship with his gf started improving the second he started talking about it with us, or other people, because he could get a second opinion, or a new point of view. It's important we talk about our feelings because we can't just hold them in forever, that sh*t piles up, and it will eventually explode.

I really get what you say when you talk about dissasociation, because it also happens to me. Especially when uni starts. Days just go by without me even noticing, thats why i hate routine. Sometimes i feel like im living life in third person, like if im seeing myself from the top of my head. When we are feeling a lot of things, or something very hard to process, such as people we care about leaving us, its common to just stop feeling things, curl up into a ball and protect ourselves from the outside world, i do it too. You have to break that, and feel things, get hurt, heal, and move on. You also gotta accept that life keeps moving, and its not gonna wait for us. It's also important to not distract oursleves from what is hurting us, as you said with physical problems. We gotta acknowledge what it is and work to heal from it.

I love the quote that says "Man is by nature a social animal" that Aristotle said. You are gonna make friends, and you are gonna lose them too, that's life. I was talking to my best friend last week, and he asked me about my last relationship, i told him, and then he asked me if I missed her, I told him that whenever i remembered her, or i saw any of her stories, I just remembered that time as one of the happiest times in my life. It's important to remember people by the good things they did to us, and how happy they made us feel and not as people that left us, or hurt us. It's important, because if we just remembered people as those who hurt us, we would hate half of the population of the earth. So, whenever you remember any of your old friends, even if they cut all contact, remember them as a happy time in your life, and by the fun things you did together. That's the best way to do it.

The fact that you stay loving, even after what life has done to hurt you, really shows your strength. It's really hard to forgive and to love, it's the hardest thing to do. But please, do me a favor and never stop loving. That may save you one day, because people do notice, let me tell you, and life will eventually pay you back. Also, the world is really in need of some love, because this world is full of hatred, and finding love is really hard, so please never stop loving.

I'm just gonna repeat it, you are a really strong person, who has gone through a lot, but you shouldn't be going through all of this alone, find someone to open up, please, don't let it pile up, i know how that feels. You are an amazing person, and life treats you like sh*t, and you deserve all the love and happiness that comes your way, and more. You deserve to be happy. I love you.