Pour Your Heart Out

thanks so much, I'll reach out if I need

 

Lucky for you, i was in that same exact position about a year and a half ago! And I've - almost - completely gone over it. I'm gonna try and explain what I did, and how I overcame those problems.
So, im gonna break each part down, and explain the solution.

My thing is baseball. I've played it for 10 years. I didn't tear my ACL, but i almost completely broke my right arm elbow, i almost teared the common extensor tendon, basically tennis elbow, and i couldn't throw for about 3 months. And after that, my team dissolved, some went to college, others lost interest, and i was left there, almost stranded, without a team and a hurting elbow.

That was June 2023. I didn't play or do anything related to baseball for the rest of 2023, until September this year, when my old club called me up to be one of their coaches. And man, it has been so refreshing being able to teach other kids the sport that i love. I'm not telling you that you should become a coach, or that you should stop playing. Where I am going with this, its the fact that your love for a sport doesn't have to end just because you got an injury. I'm gonna suppose that you're between 13-16 years old. You have a lot of time left, and while an ACL injury id pretty career-ending, your body still has a lot of strength to overcome that injury. But, this is very important, you have to be patient, don't rush it or you'll make it worse. Listen to the doctors, listen to the strength coaches, do the excersises they tell you and be patient. I'm sure that you will be on that court sooner than you think. Happy recovery!

Coincidentally, that exact same thing happened to me. So, I started dating this girl on June 2021, and she broke up with me on February 2023. Why? I still don't know why, one friday she said we should meet up, and she just said that we shouldn't be seen each other anymore, and that she didn't have a reason why, she just felt like it wasn't going to work - everything was perfect, at least in my eyes. Now, i was absolutely lost and broken, she was the girl of my dreams, and she just left like that. Man, i fell into a deep deep hole, that almost got me, twice. Thankfully I'm here, and I'm also here for you - we are - so don't be saying all that "I don't think anyone would be interested enough". So, she broke up with me, and I immediately blocked her off of everything on my phone, I know it hurts, I know you don't want to do it, but it's the best way to forget her, just let go.

That girl doesn't want anything to do in your life, and all she's gonna do is ruin you even more, It took me about 4-5 months to forget and forgive her. I went through all of the stages, and I'm gonna break them apart so you don't make the same mistakes as i did.

• Pain: The first thing that you're gonna feel - you're probably feeling it right now - is pain. A deep deep stinging pain inside of your heart that never ever disappears. This is a phase that you can not go through. The best way, in my opinion, to overcome pain, is time. The studies show that memories attached to feelings take years, even decades to forget. So what you have to do is, yake all the happy memories you have with her, and store them in a pretty box up there in your brain, they aren't going away for a while, so you decide if you want them to be happy memories or sad memories. Me, for example, whenever i remember something about her, or something reminds me of her I just smile, and I don't feel sadness anymore, just the joy that it happened and that it was beautiful.
• Anger: This is a really common thing. You don't understand why she did that, and you start to rage against her, thinking that she made a mistake, that she doesn't deserve to be happy because you aren't happy. Luckily, if it was a happy relationship, that i think it was, this feelings won't last long, because you'll know that she never meant to hurt you.
• Sadness: Now, this is the most dangerous one, because it's the on that drags you down the hole if you don't react well to it. Sadness is not like pain, because you don't really feel it, it's just that you start noticing that everything around you starts turning grey, and nothing excites you anymore, and if you don't realize soon enough, it will drag you down to depression, and we don't want that - anxiety and panic attacks are a b*tch. The best way to go through sadness is opening up, not to me, or anyone on this community, to someone face to face, over a coffe or McDonald's, it can be your parents, your brother, a friend or even a trusted adult - that's what i did, i will get into that lately - but you have to get it off of your chest, because - as i said - anxiety is a b*itch and it will haunt you and hit you in the worst moments possible. Also, i say this everytime, don't be afraid to ask for help, you don't seem desperate or weak, in fact you seem strong for having the courage to say it out loud!

Once you overcome all of those phases, sadness is the one that lasts the most you will be - not 100%, but enough to keep her out of your head - over her.
Also, something that scares a lot of people is to stop talking to those people, and its okay to be scared, but it's gonna happen. You had your time with her, but there was a traumatic event there - at least for you - and things will never be the same again. I kept talking until recently with my ex, and her responses weren't dry neither were mine but we kept responding late one to each other, at first it was some hours, then a day, weeks, it was really destructive, so one day I decided that it was over, i wasn't gonna put myself through that again. It is really scary, because you know that they're a great person and you want to keep them around, but sometimes you can't, and that's okay, some people have to go for us to be who we're meant to be.

I've only recently started going to the gym and all that, so i can't really help you here. But what i will say is, you don't have to worry about your weight, some people, like my brother, have fast metabolisms, so they consume calories faster than most people, but i've seen my brother eat always the same quantity of food, whatever my mom makes, and he's pretty buff tbh. As i said, i don't know too much on this topic, but i can tell you that years ago i was fat, and i didnt give a single f*ck about what other people said. But that's me, and everyone is different.

It's surprising how alike it seems we are. When i was your age - as I said before i suppose you are 13-16 years old - i did the same, i never studied, always just paid attention in class, read my notes and that was it. School may seem overwhelming because there's nothing that excites you, well you've got to search within yourself what is something that you like learning about or something you want to become in the furute, and then you'll have a reason why go to class, to learn about that or to prepare for that thing that you want to become in the future. There's also another thing that is really important, not just in school but in life in general, and that is discipline. Now, i know that you're still young, but its a great time to start working on your discipline. Discipline, as you may know, is doing what you have to do when you have to do it, even if its the last thing that you want to do. I'm not gonna elaborate too much, but i got some tips that some friends that i have on the military gave me, just hit me up if you want them.

Now, friends. Oh man, thats a delicate topic, because my friend groups have changed a lot during the last years. My take on friends is that, someday, you and some other dude/girl/s are gonna click and realize that you guys have a lot more in common than you think, and that's how i make friends. However, if you don't talk or do anything social, you're never gonna find any friends. In fact, the friend group im in right now, formed because i decided to speak in an optional asignment in class, said that i wanted to join the military and there was another dude that wanted to do the same and we just started talking, and we hangout almost every single day now. Friendships are something really complicated to study, because most of the time they're really spontaneous. Just be yourself, and there's some people that will want to be your friends, but remember you have to be social.

There's this thing that a lot of people say, it goes soemthing like "People who sui*ide are cowards,because they take the easy way out", those people don't know how hard giving up actually is. Things in life are always gonna pressure you, because life is hard, but you gotta overcome it man. Next time you are there, on the edge of giving up, i want you to think how it feels laying down on the grass, or how it feels going swimming in the sea, or how summer feels. There's so many beautiful things in life that are waiting for you to go and discover them, feel them, so many summers to experience, so many different flavours to taste, so many sunsets to watch and sunrises to feel, so many experiences that you will miss. And if you don't think that's enough, just think that tomorrow will be better, and keep saying that to yourself because it will be, eventually. And if any of that doesn't feel enough, do it for me man, do it for the random spanish man that is writing in a biking game forum, just do it for me.

Evrything will be alright, just keep on going, today, tomorrow, the next day... and you'll start to feel better, i promise.
As always, you can hit me up whenever, my discord is sergioldtg, and i'm always - almost - available.

 

Thank you so much for this message. It is good to see and get an opinion from somebody who has been in the same situation as me.
I am 15 turning 16 in exactly a month as you said you assumed I am between 13-16.
I wrote a whole response to your message but it got deleted, I will write another one in parts like you did but more brief.

Sorry to hear about that, it must have hurt a bunch! I actually did start to ref basketball since my injury as a way to get some money and connect back with the sport and the community. I know that I am strong enough to get back from my injury but I have struggled more mentally since I have been without the sport. I still love the sport and I am being patient, doing the exercises my physio has given me. I am nearing the end of my recovery and I can't wait to get back.

She one day decided that she wanted a break and a couple of days later she ended things with me for no real reason. After we broke up, there was still a period that we were hanging out and doing stuff that we were doing while we together (kissing etc). She knew that was what I wanted and she was giving it to me because she wanted to make it easier on me. It turns out it just made it more confusing and I decided that it wasn't what I wanted. We catch the same bus to and from school and sit with each other until I stopped messaging her at the and of the school holidays and we haven't talked much in person since. Obviously cutting her off is hard since I don't know how to live without talking to her. I also get reminded every time I see her but as you said, it will become a memory. I just feel annoyed because of the thought that I tried to help her, she knows she needs to change but she doesn't want to do anything (in terms of her health). I also feel pissed when I see her talking to dudes that I specifically asked her not to talk to when we were together. I do feel all three of the emotions that you talked about, the stabbing pain, the rage and the grey sadness. I think that I have felt hopeless just because of everything that has happened. I feel like giving up, I say I want to end my life but I know I have to live and I won't ever kill myself. I think I just feel overwhelmed like I want to sleep and pause this life. I think that I will just need to wait things out, eventually time will do it's magic and we will drift apart. I do talk to my dad about it and I can't tell him everything but it still helps.

I do have friends but only a few close ones that I actually hang out with. I don't really see the point of going into a friend group because there aren't really any that suit me and I am happy with the couple of friends that I have. Sometimes they aren't at school so I have to hang out with guys that I don't really know that well or by myself. To an outsider I would seem like the kind of person that has a lot of friends but I don't. I just have a lot of people that I know and only a few that I am really friends with. I will try to be open to making new friends and expanding on the people I know.

I don't think I have ever seriously tried to commit suicide but every time I feel like it, I feel like I am in third person. I also believe that killing myself isn't a good solution because ther is so much to live for like you said. I just get hopeless sometimes yk and I loose sight. It will eventually be over and I think that I will get better. I had a teacher last year who always used to talk to me about these things and say that nothing ever lasts, the good and the bad. If you are. ever having a hard time, look forward to the future because it will be over soon and there is a good time waiting for you.

It is crazy how much we can connect with people on the internet and I am grateful for this experience. Once again, thank you for your message, it really motivated me

 

I don't want to overshadow sltg28, what he said was honestly very very good and some of my favorite quotes that I've seen. "Some people need to go for us to be who we need to be". bars.

I just found some extra time on my hands and thought that I'd share some experiences that I went through.

Around August last year, I met a girl. We were at a pool party, and she came up to talk to me and I got her number at the end. We texted fairly frequently, and I took her out on about 4 dates before we made things official around the beginning of October. She broke up with me on December 16. It was super sudden, we were texting frequently and hanging out all the time, and still going on dates, and 2 weeks before the breakup she totally switched up and stopped all of that. I struggled to hold any conversation, she'd actively walk away when I walked up to her and she wouldn't communicate at all. I tried frequently and couldn't get anything from her for those 2 1/2 weeks. She said we needed to talk, and that it needed to be in person, so obviously I knew what was going on. She took me to McDonald's lmao and then we broke up in the school parking lot. It didn't really hit me at first, I just knew I didn't want this girl to think I was weak so I just said okay and went to class. It hit me like a semi about halfway through that class period.

During that time period I had been going into probably what is seasonal depression, I have never gotten diagnosed with anything so I wouldn't know. I get extra down during these months, even though I love them starting September ish. She was like my beacon and I didn't hardly open up to her about anything. When we broke up she gave absolutely no reasoning, and it wasn't until I asked and asked my friend (who became very close to her AFTER the breakup (poor move btw if you have friends lmao)) if he knew the reason that she sent me a paragraph. It was quite harsh, starting out with "of course you can ask why" and ending with what felt like personal attacks. I just accepted everything she said. A main part of the paragraph was how insecure I was. How I always looked to her for validation and was always venting. I talked to her about my problems all of 2 times, briefly, and it wasn't heavy at all. I just sent her a huge apology and it sent me into a spiral. I blamed my problems on my problems and it just became this never ending negative feedback loop. I didn't talk to anyone, except once, a habit I have maintained whether fortunately or unfortunately until right now where I'm talking about this now. (e; i'm going through this now, I actually talked to a_drain quite a bit this past year, and I just remembered that. He's a great great guy. I feel like it's more of a I can only talk about things I'm blocking out at the moment kind of thing, but the only person I would feel comfortable with is him). I recommend finding some good people who just uplift you every time you're around them. I just would rather work through things Im going through on my own until it kills me, and honestly the only reason I'm talking about this is because I'm completely over it.

Like Sergio said, getting over that stuff it goes in waves man. It is amazing how quickly humans can just change up how they feel, based off a couple experiences. My mood would be ruined constantly as all of the memories of "when I was happy" flooded me. It was rough. I called my cousin the night of the breakup and just cried for 2 hours on the phone with him lmao, and that really was the last time I opened up about anything I cared about. It took me about 6 months to feel comfortable enough with myself that I felt like I was getting over her. It took me about 2 months after that to truly see things clearly and be over her. I feel like all things considered that was a fast amount of time. I learned quite a lot, getting through that and helping others who were in similar situations with what they were going through, and I think it's absolutely necessary to have experiences like that to grow as a person. I simply don't have as many memories flooding me anymore, and when I think back I don't ever do it happily or sad, I just think about it as a fact, this happened and this was the cause and this was the solution. It's hard to explain, but I think a large part of it is I felt so angry, but I didn't feel like I was "allowed" to be angry at her so I got angry at myself, all the time, over everything. Don't do that. Sometimes things just happen and that's how thing's are going to be. Growth required a certain level of discomfort, or borderline "hate" of where you are now, but you can't attribute that completely to who you are and take it personally. Who you are is important and everyone requires improvement. Learning to just accept things and understand why what happened happened, and know that it wasn't all my fault was very important.

There were many things that hindered me from moving on, and I am a firm believer of just cutting ties you have with that person. It quite frankly makes me so frustrated when I see those that I'm close to focus so much about keeping ties with that person when I know that person has already moved on. A huge part of why I couldn't focus on what I needed to do to get over her was she asked me to ask her to Winter's formal, even during the period where she went ghost on me. I figured she just needed time to work on herself (foolishly) and just wasn't communicating that and needed some space. She would ask me about winters and ask me to text "I love you" every night, even though I think she did it all of twice. I always waited for that text back and I never got it. I asked her to winters, she broke up with me, but we still went together because we had already made plans. That entire night she just messed with me and that sucked for a long long time, until I finally just saw that someone who would act that way isn't someone I would want to be close to anyways. 2 big things for getting over her for me was, I deleted every text I ever had with her, whether on messages or Instagram. It wasn't healthy at all to go through those and I did for about 2 months. The other thing was this paper that she made for me, about 1-2 weeks before she went ghost on me. It was a winter bucket list, of all the things she wanted to do with me. I consistently held that close to me, and kept it in my phone case even after we broke up for a long long time. The day we broke up I asked her if she wanted the list back, and she just said "throw it away it doesn't matter". She knew just how much it meant to me and just didn't care. I had to get rid of that paper to move on.

I think 100% that you should just try to accept things as they are. Hurting is a process and is necessary for moving on. Everything sergio said is very true and I would recommend you look back on that every time you feel the need to. I've changed my thought process about 15 times going through this, so hopefully you find valuable information in it and don't just see ramblings.

 

Thank you for finding time to write this
It is good to hear about your experience.

Both the breakups that I have had ended with no explanation. Girls are weird ngl.

I also haven't been diagnosed with anything and I also don't want to be. I am not too sure if there is anyone I know that I can really say everything to, she used to be that person. My friends that I have now talk about those things briefly but not in detail.

Some of the people I have talked to about it all just say that it is a learning experience and I can see that it is. I just don't know how long it will take until I'm over her. The biggest thing for me has also been me being angry at myself. That is the thing that has been a bigger problem, I just can't figure out why.

I am trying to cut ties but obviously it is still hard not to talk to her, message her or care about her.

I will try to accept things but every time I try, I just get more mad at her or myself. Hurting is a process for moving on for sure.
I will definitely look back on what you and Sergio said. Once again thank you for finding the time to write this, I appreciate it.

 

fu.ck this.
i injured my knee again.

 

I can't do it anymore.

 

It's been over two years since I sent this message man. That's weird to think about.

It's been a bit of a wild ride these past two years and most of the conditions I've been diagnosed with have continued to get worse over time.

Last year around this time I stopped being able to go to school for safety reasons. I did the second semester of my sophomore year online because of it. From then until around spring of this year I was doing online therapy in an outpatient program. It was five days a week for three hours a day. Over time I re-learned how to live my life again with OCD and all the other stuff I have. I worked on talking to people, walking outside, being in public places, being around sharp objects, and tons of other stuff. And things were starting to get better. Then towards the end of July things went sour again. It was weird going into the school year this august because I had been working on getting better for so long and I didn't know how things would go when I went back. And it's been pretty rough. Although I've learned to manage my symptoms better, the number of obsessions I get is so much higher than it was last year. I can continue to functon when things get bad. but internally I've been in more distress than I've ever been in.

I get obsessions about a really wide range of things. Most of the time I'll get obsessions about killing myself. The obsessions aren't even always from my point of view either. Sometimes I'll get one saying "I'm gonna kill myself" but they'll also frequently say "you should kill yourself" or "you're going to kill yourself". I also get obsessions about hurting other people but they don't make me as anxious because hurting someone isn't something I would realistically do. And the obsessions aren't always spoken thoughts either. I'll get obsessions where I vividly imagine myself or others dying in various different ways. And it's all the time. With no breaks.

Today I also finished my 36th and final session of TMS (or Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation) therapy. Since August I've had to go to this place after school on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays. I'd sit in a chair and someone would put a cap on my head. Then they would position the coil over my head and send a bunch of rapid signals into my head in rapid succession. The shocks wouldn't hurt, but they would would make one of my hands shake, which was really weird. And it would only be one side of my body at a time. When the coil was positioned over the left side of my head my right hand would shake on every shock. My right hand (and sometimes my arm) would shake when the coil was on the left side of my head. Each session was broken up into three parts. Each part would have a certain coil position and shock frequency. But yeah. It was pretty interesting. TMS doesn't work for everyone though. Some people have worse symptoms while in TMS and then see improvements after treatment. That's what we're hoping is happening to me because things have gotten worse while I've been doing treatment. But I'm kinda worried that this will be yet another thing that doesn't work. Even if it does, I'm still not sure what my future will look like though.

I haven't tried to kill myself since last year when I almost jumped off of an overpass and I don't think I'll try to anytime in the near future. But I'm worried I might once I'm 18 and start doing things on my own. While I'm not currently planning to end my life I still know how I would do it. I'm not going to go into detail here but it would be pretty easy to pull off. It's weird because I want to die pretty bad, though. I know that statistically things will probably end up improving for me once I'm an adult. And chances are I have a long happy life ahead of me. But dispite that I still don't want it. It's a pretty selfish thing for me to think because I live a very privileged life. I think about dying a lot throughout the day and most of the time while I'm trying to fall asleep as well. And the only reason I haven't done it yet is because I know many people would be affected if I did.

Long story short I don't have a ton of hope that I'll make it very long as an adult. I wanted to write a bit of an update here and let people know just in case I forget to in the future. I would also find some sort of way to inform any of the people I talk to so it wouldn't seem like I just dissapeared. Hopefully it doesn't happen but if it does I want to have some sort of record here. In the meantime, I'll still keep talking in the discord, and things shouldn't change much. I'm gonna try and finish Deterioration before I turn 18 as well. But yeah.

I'm not entirely sure why I wrote this update here. I know most people probably won't care but I'm sure some people will as well. That's it I guess.

 

I'm really glad that you wrote this here, and I aspire to, one day, have the strength and resilience that you have.

Man, reading through all of you have been through, and how life has f*cked you in every way possible, and you are still here, pushing through, and being such a cool guy (i havent known you for long, but from what i've heard people really like you), really shows how some people have it really worse than me, and that i think about giving up after the slightest thing happens to me, while you are out there fighting through thick and thin.

I don't know how OCD works, but my guess is that it has to give you insane levels of anxiety and other stuff, and love seeing that you said that you came back to school and all that.

I haven't got really much to say, except that i admire your capacity of pushing through life, and that i wish i can have that type of strength one day. Also, so you know, there's people here that care about you and ehat you are going through.

I wish you all the best and, on top of everything, a healthy lengthy life and that everything that you are going through passes! I will be praying for you, so that may help a little

 

We do care.

I admire the resilience you have had in what you have been through, holding on when you don't want to is one of the strongest things that you can possibly do.

I am sorry that life as screwed you over as much as it can.

You are here for a reason, to make an impact on other people's lives. Hell, you already made an impact on mine just by interacting online. Even if you don't have a faith, I think it is important to know that you are on this earth and the chances of you being here is infinitely impossible. So while you are here, try to do some things that you enjoy. Every single time you cross paths with another human being, you make an impact on them. There is a reason that you cross paths with that person, even today, giving Sergio and I the realisation that we have it good, I am motivated to keep going because of this. Everything you do can make a positive impact. Don't do things just because it will have an impact on others though, in turn, it will come, but be there for yourself. If you have nothing to live for, live for yourself. Do things to make yourself better, even if you think you don't want to live another day, do something that you would do on the last day you live, experience a new feeling, hopefully you will have the courage to do those things again and live another day. As for tough times, everyone goes through them, even if somebody is wealthy and everyone thinks that they have a perfect life, they are challenged too. Please just hold on to the hope that you will make it as an adult, I believe you will. Even if you have thoughts about dying, do something to take your mind off of it, do something that you really enjoy. If you aren't able to do that thing, make it possible, do everything in your power, even if it is the last thing you do, because eventually, when you enjoy that thing, you will enjoy others and you will enjoy living. You are so strong. I believe that the challenges that we are faced with have been given to us because you are strong and it is what we can handle. As Sergio said to me, There's so many beautiful things in life that are waiting for you to go and discover them, feel them, so many summers to experience, so many different flavours to taste, so many sunsets to watch and sunrises to feel, so many experiences that you will miss. And if any of that doesn't feel enough, do it for me man, do it for the random guy that is writing in a biking game forum, just do it for me.

I am sorry if I misunderstood something you said, or if what I said doesn't apply to your situation. I guess it is out of my place to be giving you motivation/advice since I am younger than you, but please hear me out. I will pray for you and I hope that there will be a light at the end of the tunnel. Just remember: You are loved. You are strong.

 

I just found out that I retore my ACL and will need another surgery and another year of rehab
I also found out my ex liked someone while we were dating but that doesn't really matter anymore.
I can't do this anymore.

 

Pull through, listening to Godspeed, White Ferrari or Siegfried by Frank Ocean and u by Kendrick Lamar (ignore the intro) put me in a deep mood and get me revisit myself, think about the other good times in your life. Keep a positive mood or else you'll have emotional attachments to the past, which, trust me, isnt a beautiful thing

 

I just ended my cross country season short of the massive final race due to falling 12 feet off of a stone enbankment and shattering my ankle. I know that it sucks and I feel your pain but, man, you gotta pull through. Sending well wishes.

 

Sorry to hear about your ex. I've never been in a relationship, but I can understand that it doesn't feel good to be betrayed like that. I don't know your situation completely and I don't want to pry too much, but you can always talk about it a little more here or in a private conversation with me, if you want. And wow, retore? That's gotta feel awful.

I've been injured before, and it sucked to watch my teammates play their sports and run around and be functional. They've taken me out for a few weeks or maybe a month at most, but I've never had injuries that have required hospitalization before, so I can only imagine what it's like to be out for multiple months or a year. But being an avid watcher of many sports, I've seen many athletes get knocked down with possible career-ending injuries and really bad seasons. And in watching their journey back to the top, something I've noticed all of them do is that they remain positive and keep working when they can.
I recently saw an interview with Usain Bolt on YouTube, where he said something like "injury is part of the sport." While he doesn't go on to explain too much on overcoming them, but I'd say the main takeaway is just to rest up for now and work hard later. There's nothing you can really do to change your current predicament, so there's no point in dwelling on it. But with that, I hope your guys' ACL and ankle heal up, and that you'll be able to return to the sport soon and continue to improve.
Here's the link if you want to watch the whole thing. The interview itself is an hour long, but the part on injuries is only a few minutes.

 

hi chat (chat?) turns out i've been living with undiagnosed schizophrenia for 2 years and I f.ucking relapsed last night. its not very bad but I got diagnosed with it . they haven't changed my meds yet idk if they're going to but yea

 

Well, I guess it isn't that bad yet. Never knew a person suffering from schizophrenia before, but I've heard some pretty bad things from it. Hopefully it stays this way and it won't affect you so much. I don't want to prod too much, but if you're okay talking about it, what kind of things change when you have schizophrenia?

 

Well at first I didn't even know because the symptoms I did have were being treated by the meds I was already taking for depression (abilify) but I started noticing a couple of months ago. I started having episodes where I felt like I couldn't control my actions and thoughts and would hear people saying stuff I don't really wanna talk about rn but yea. It is a weird thing because it doesn't sound like the voices are in my head, it sounds like they are in real life and in my environment. Sometimes it happens when I have an episode but sometimes it's just a non-stop thing. I don't talk to other people much irl so usually, it happens online and I say things I don't mean and think things about people I don't want to. I don't have visual hallucinations very often but when I do it usually looks like the walls are moving and sh1t and it's not very severe at all. It's not the worst thing ever in my case, it just kinda adds on to the stuff that's been happening already; I suppose I'm lucky for that. It is getting worse over time but it's not extremely bad at the moment. My current meds are doing enough and I may be getting bigger abilify doses at some point Everyone's experience is different, this is just mine.

 

Thanks, I will try to keep a positive mood about life and try not to think about the past as much. I am doing better now since I've been hanging out with my friends to keep my mind off stuff. I am also planning to vlog my ACL rehab this time round so that I can keep myself accountable and keep a record of my journey. I know it will be hard since it's already been nearly 2 years and I will have at least another year until I am able to get back to sport but I am trying to stay positive about it.

Oh gosh that sounds painful, I hope you recover well dude.

Yeah it is a bit of a blow, things have been pretty salty between us now. I wouldn't mind sharing what happened but I'd rather do it in private.
When I found out that I re-tore the graft I kept my emotions under control, but as soon as I got into the car, I broke down crying. I'm just so guttered that I will be out for another year and it feels like every single time I come close to recovering one of my knees, I injure my other knee. To be honest it's more of a mental struggle now than a physical recovery since I have been out for so long.

I've also seen many athletes come back from injuries like mine, but also many that haven't. In the long run, it is the best that I am getting surgery again and I will eventually be able to continue my career but also be able to play sports when I'm in my 20's and stuff. I think I have a positive mindset, relative to what I have gone through. I just believe that I need to push through because there is no other option. I will also definitely check out Usain Bolt interview, he is one of the greatest athletes of all time and I look up to him a lot.

Thanks for wishing me well guys!

 

I don't know what goes into dealing with schizophrenia but hope all the best with being able to cope with that as well as depression. I'll be keeping you in my prayers and I hope that there is peace in your life.

 

I see. Yeah, I get that it’s an annoying thing to deal with. Some things can be considered a very minor inconvenience but when you’ve already got so much to deal with, that little thing becomes way more annoying, like adding a drop of water to an already full glass of water. But I’d imagine it to not be very fun either way if a person is stressed or not, and just knowing what condition you have might be scary or stressful, because you don’t know how it might progress or what might happen.

Honestly, I don’t blame you at all for breaking down. There’s only so much the mind and body can take, and it never feels good to lose all your progress and have to restart again. And it’s definitely not easy to keep coming back and trying again, especially for an injury of this caliber and for a second time. I don’t think many people would be motivated to even go back to training after so many years of time off. But it's good that you're hanging out with your friends to take your mind off of the injury, because overthinking it won’t help much.

Yeah, ACL tears are no joke. Good on you for continuing to stay positive, though. Even after the rehab, the mental side of playing the sport and pushing your body to the limit again isn’t easy. I’ll pray for all of you guys.