Pour Your Heart Out

So I don't know if I said this yet because it's been awhile since I said anything in this thread but my uncle has pancreatic cancer. His back is also flat so he uses a cane. He has to get injections every Friday and he has to have needles in his back. He has done 6 months of kemo so far. He also has 2 jobs.
My family is poor I hate to admit it. I help out as much as I can by paying the cable bill , buying groceries and pretty much helping out on anything. I do wanna start playing this game again but so much stuff is going on. I just quit music 2 days ago. I was gonna start a podcast but I broke my mic and I don't feel like buying a new one.
I just checked what's going on once in a while. This community is strong and will never die.

 

A bit of a life update here.

I'm reaching the end of my secondary schooling and I'm struggling to focus on most things in life. I pretty much go to bed at midnight every day now and although I get over 7 hours of sleep, I feel I'm not doing myself any good. I struggle to get out of bed and go to school and I often come to school a bit late. In class in the mornings I struggle to focus and my body just feels so dehydrated and hot (I don't drink enough water during the day).

When I come home I am a massive procrastinator and put off a lot of homework. At times I barely get work finished before they are due. I'm lucky I have a great memory and do well in school because if I didn't, I'd be failing some subjects the way I finish work. I get A's (around 80%) for most of my subjects, but I've noticed the grades dropped slightly in the subjects I don't focus on or are much harder. I've told myself I will lock in come to the exams (which are the most important part) but I can't get out of my daily routine. I just listen to music and watch YouTube a lot at home and barely get any work finished. I don't even play many games, even I haven't played FRHD as much as I used to.

I barely use my phone compared to other people and it's only to scroll through socials briefly or play games, I feel out of touch with my mates. When my mates say "oi tp you coming out tonight?" on Fridays, I tell them "ye maybe" or "Probably" and I end up eating dinner at home, seeing what they're doing from snaps on snapchat and just watch the footy (Australian rules football) on tv or do my usual procrastination.

I've never really jerked off much but at one stage, I was doing it every day as I had nothing else better to do and I felt so guilty with myself. I've decided to stop it completely to see if it makes a difference in my mentality and my life. All my friends drive and I've barely been behind the wheel, I have no interest in driving at all atm. I don't have a job and I just have all this money my parents have given me sitting in my bank account as I barely spend my money on food or clothes.

I'm expecting an above-average result at the end of the year for my schooling but I don't know what I want to do after university as a job (leaning down a science path). I'm scared I'm going to go to uni and waste my money for nothing. I have heaps of hobbies but none of them lead me to a possible career. I go to athletics training to clear things up and train my ass off to only burn out and cramp towards the end due to dehydration and not doing my core exercises. I've noticed issues with my posture and body structure (nothing major) but I want to fix them but I'm just too lazy and I can't find 20 minutes to do core exercises to fix them. Although I'm really fit and healthy, I am underweight (I'm over 5 foot 10 inches tall or 178cm and weigh 63kg) and I struggle to put on weight even though I probably eat more than people 20kg + heavier than me, it's just genetics and my active lifestyle. I'm extremely lean and quite strong for my size (demonstrated by my athleticism) but although I have dumbbells and a bench at home, I barely use them considering I can't even gain any body mass and it's just a slow increase naturally and from getting taller. My dad says he was the exact same at my age and was able to do amazing things like dunk a basketball at 5 foot 9 inches and was a gun at every sport he played but I'm more conscious about getting bigger and not being called "skinny". I don't care if my abilities can surprise people because the first thing people see when they look at my is how I'm not as built as others and I hate being judged.

I don't feel like a failure but when I look at my older sister and her life, I feel like I've achieved nothing. She has a good job, moving out of the family house in the next year, has a good boyfriend and is living a great life. I have no idea where I see myself in the next 2 years. I worry I will drift away from my mates, some I've been friends with for over 13 years since primary school. I am not interested in girls atm but I want to interact with them more in the coming years and finally get into a relationship (more of a reason to get bigger as girls like that). Btw, guys, I don't have depression, anxiety or anything like that, I'm just worried that my current habits are taking me down the wrong path. I turned 18 almost 4 months ago and I don't do things many other people my age do, I'm just this smart kid who has heaps of hobbies but doesn't drive, doesn't have a job, has all these skills but nothing to use them for and barely does anything fun. Sure, I go out with my mates here and there, but atm it's been a while since I've done that and I feel like I'm just extremely boring. I do go to parties when invited and drink alcohol now I'm 18 (I live in Australia for those who don't know) but everything else I do doesn't make me feel 18.

I tell my friends about what I do at home and in life and they say "tp, you have so much potential, just f'ing drive mate and fix your daily routine and life will open up for you and be way more fun mate." That, along with my family saying things to me, has motivated me to fix my life. Again, I'm probably living a better life than most other people as money is not a problem for us, but the way I go about it I'm really critical of and I could be so much better. I'm going to Italy in January and February in 2025 (I am of Italian background and have family there) and I've never been to Europe so I'm so excited. I want to work towards that and improve myself so I feel like I earned a holiday. I will be posting my progress here but something to take out from this for everyone else is try and get out of routines early so it doesn't hinder your life in the future. And if you have a goal you want to strive to, stick to your program. Failing to stay consistent shows failure, and although failure is good for progression, losing consistency makes achieving that goal hard and demonstrates lack of desire or focus. I feel a lot of today's society has a short attention span for some things, have ADHD or have absolutely 0 drive to achieve things in life. Lock in now before it's too late.

To start, I'm gonna research more what I want to do after I finish secondary school, update my resume, change the environment I do my homework from my bedroom to the dining room table, start driving more, go to bed before midnight, go out with my mates more when I can and sticking to a proper schedule for my homework and do core/strength exercises. Are the issues I'm facing normal for people my age? Comment what you think and some things I could do differently to help turn my life around.

That's all for now.

 

Same fr I'm 6'1 and I am 57 kg. (I aint lying that aint what I do. plus 6'1 isnt even that tall yet). I think it's helpful to have a positive mindset regarding being skinny, as many people struggle to lose weight. In saying that, yes, it sucks, and your idk abt u but my wrists are skinny af as a testament to my weight, but look it is, at the end of the day, out of your control. the best thing you can do is drink water to expand your stomach to then be able to eat more (two birds w one stone yk).

 

this might be too much info given youre still in school and probably dont have the time/motivation/money to invest in what im writing below, but i think this could benefit ppl anyways + i love this topic so here we go

if you wanna gain weight/muscle mass without just gaining fat, you need to be super conscious of what youre eating. both volume and what macros youre eating. imo it's harder to clean bulk than to simply cut, but if you have the hunger of a typical teen boy it may not be such a slog lol. to gain weight you need to be eating >20% of your caloric maintenance (can be calculated over a couple weeks using scales + diet plan, or online calculators like this: https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/weight-loss/in-depth/calorie-calculator/itt-20402304) with an intense focus on hitting macro split of 40% protein/25% carbs/35% fats. putting in the height/age/weight/activity levels youve briefly outlined in your post, your caloric maintenance would be somewhere around 2500cl-2900cl, so youd ideally start eating an extra 500cl-600cl per day minimum, maybe more if you do a lot of cardio-intensive exercise (running, afl, tennis, swimming, cycling etc etc). this, coupled with regular gym sessions - around 30-60 mins 3-5 times per week, focus on compound movements/progressive overload etc - you will gain weight, albeit slowly (probs around 250-750g per week). ofc this can be expedited with a dirty bulk, but youll gain more fat this way - just depends on what your goal is. for best results, stick to a stringent bulk diet for 4 weeks, relax it for 2 weeks, and repeat as much as you like - youll see better and more sustainable results like this, than maintaining a strict diet over a long period of time with no breaks

alternatively, if you want to lose weight but gain muscle mass, you just do the opposite. eat 10-20% below your caloric maintenance, make sure to get in 10k steps per day, maybe add in 1-2 HIIT/LIIT cardio sessions per week, and get in 3-5 weight training sessions per week. im in a cut rn, eating 2000-2200cl/per day with a macro split of 50% protein/30% carbs/20% fats and im seeing good, sustainable progress towards my weight goal. again, diet strictly in 4-week stints and have a break at maintenance for 2 weeks, then continue. it hardly feels like a diet either; im eating almost 200g protein per day, so im never hungry

for more excellent advice on cutting/bulking/workouts/fitness tips, check out jeff nippard and dr mike's renaissance periodization; both use peer-reviewed studies to back what they say, and most of what ive said here has come from them.

also tplacella consider having more salt/electrolytes alongside drinking more to avoid cramping, will help heaps. might add something in about uni at some point, but i need to get back to work lol

 

SS+GOMAD

also idk i felt like the biggest procrastinator in high school, which almost immediately changed after getting to university. my biggest problem in high school was that the most interesting subjects also happened to be the easiest, so if i spent any time studying them it felt like i was procrastinating on the more boring subjects that needed more attention, and i ended up procrastinating on everything.

in uni you get to the habit of doing A LOT of homework/studying every week AND the most challenging subjects also happen to be something that you are interested about. more challenging schoolwork and the removal of uninteresting subjects motivated me to get to the habit of studying for the first time ever, and several times after that, because everytime after a small break i would need to relearn the habit again. after being able to change your habits enough times (not once, not twice, a lot of times), it becomes easier and easier and you start to believe in your ability to change

im not really big into self help stuff and i would never read anything similar written by you guys, let alone take anything into practice, but i still felt like writing about my studying experience overall i feel like you need to succeed in something several times until it starts to get easier. and engineering = cool

 

So my biological mom overdosed. Doesn't necessarily bother me but I remember saying something about her like 4 years ago. I haven't seen her in 17 years and now I'll never see but that's not saying I want too in the first place.

 

Just weird she killed herself 3 days before my bday. I don't know if it's my fault

 

I don't know how to feel right now because I'm not really shocked. She was always hooked on pills and I hated her. But now that I know she's dead I kinda feel bad because I think it is my fault because I don't want to see her. Happened unexpectedly and my family is going crazy now because they want everyone to help pay for the funeral but my mom doesn't deserve a funeral she neglected me she let my dad and his friends abuse me and you expect everyone to help pay for her funeral. Hell no she brought this all on herself. I'm not saying she deserved to die I'm saying she could of fixed herself. She went to places to help her but she just pushed it away. Maybe if she cared for me then I would care for her.

 

its not your fault bro, don't blame yourself for this.

 

My grandma died of pancreatic cancer indirectly this summer. She was supposed to get better and she bled to death internally. Couldn’t eat, wouldn’t receive food or water. She was supposed to be put on the most comfortable settings so she wouldn’t hurt. It’s what she begged for and pleaded her entire life, and as we drove her to the hospital. She should have been gone within the week. My psychotic aunts (diagnosable) begged her and twisted her to tell the doctors to take any measures to preserve her life. She lived in pure agony and pain, literally one of the very worst ways you can die naturally, if you consider any of this natural, for about 3 weeks after. Cancer is a *****

 

So I got news that my biological dad never wanted to put me up for adoption. My grandma was the problem and she broke my mom and dad up.
So if that wasn't to happen my mom will be alive still so idfk what to say. Lots of people are messaging me on snap and insta saying sorry for my loss. I tell them don't waste your time because I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me. I'm relieved like I can live my life in peace. Ofc I have my grandma and dad to worry about but they know not to go near me. Been holding this grudge for over a decade and it's gonna stay that way. But I think me not wanting to see her is also the reason but I wouldn't feel like this if my grandma didn't mess stuff up.

 

How are you guys doing fr

 

trying to stay disciplined and set up good habits for college

 

Good stuff

 

not the best fr

 

Why is that?

 

What’s up man?

 

Sorry for the long message and you don't have to read it if you don't want. It is just a message about my life at the moment.

I love playing basketball, it is my happy place, it is the only place that I can go to escape from my problems. In April 2023, I tore my left knee ACL, which is a season, if not career ending injury. I had surgery in June 2023 and was expected to recover after 12 months from surgery. All was well until I had pain in my right knee towards the end of my recovery from my left knee. It turns out I had floating pieces of cartilage in my knee which needed surgery. In July 2024 I had surgery on my right knee. The recovery time was expected to be 3 months but since I hadn't had full strength in both my legs for a while it would be more like 4. This coming November I have my test to be able to return to sport. This past year and a half has been extremely difficult for me without being able to play sports and basketball.

It is fortunate that I have had other things to focus on for the past year and a half. Around the time that I got my first surgery, I started dating this girl. She has been there through my whole journey and has given me comfort and support over the time of my recovery. I would definitely have been in a worse place than I have been over the past year if she wasn't there, so I am grateful for that. Recently, she broke up with me with me for no real reason. I don't want to go into the explanation of it - not because I am uncomfortable but just because there is so much to unpack and I don't think anyone will be interested enough. Obviously I am upset about the situation but definitely more than you think. I still talk to her but I don't want to at the same time. I struggle with overthinking and I can't make up my mind if I should bother with her.

I also struggle with my weight as I am 6 foot 2 inches and 67kg. I also eat a bunch of food and definitely more than a lot of people above my weight but it goes straight in and out because of my genetics, height and activity. Over the past year I have been going to the gym for my knee rehab and trying to get stronger but I took long breaks from it for periods of time and have only really been going consistently around 4 times a week for around 4 months as well as doing cardio and getting back into sports. Over the last year I have stayed 62kgs and grown around 3-4 inches, in the last 4 months since consistently working and stuffing in more protein and calories, I have gained 5 kg. I am still skinny and it is still one of my biggest insecurities.

I have also struggled with unhealthy habits but it isn't a large problem. My parents also argue and fight a lot and it isn't nice to be at home sometimes because nobody is happy. I also hate going to school now since I hate learning the stuff there and I don't really have many friends. I average A's in school but I am not paying attention or doing the stuff that I am meant to 90% of the time during class, so I rely on my knowledge and studying the night before to carry me in assessments. I also have exams coming in the next couple of weeks which have added to my stress levels.

I think the problem with my mental state at the moment is that there are so many things that are weighing down on me that I feel like giving up. I know there are things I can do to help but I can't seem to do them sometimes. I also worry too much and I hate it so much because I know I shouldn't worry but I don't know how to stop myself.

There are things I am sure I have left out and I know my life may seem much better than some of you guys but I hope you don't judge since it has been nice being able to write about things.

 

I have read all of this and I will respond soon I am sorry about that

 

I am sorry I have been busy all day and been dealing with many things and am also typing on a phone. I am sorry that all of that is going on and if you need to talk to someone you can talk to me. I am sorry to hear about your ACL I have a friend who has had similar experiences and I have had similar experiences on a small scale so I know how devastating can be and how that can make someone feel. I am glad you had someone that helped you through all of that and I am sorry that she seemed to dump you out of nowhere. If you need advice on that or need to talk about that I have helped many of my friends through situations and would love to try and help you if you’re comfortable with that. All in all I would encourage at a base level for you to remain kind and cordial towards her but if it hurts you or if you don’t want to remain close or even friends with her that is okay and I think it’s healthy even considering the background there. On the note of weight, I am in the same boat as you buddy! Although I have never felt super insecure, there are things about me physically I am very very insecure about and I know how much viewing yourself that way must hurt you. I weigh 135 and am 6’0 so I understand your physique and know people that are very insecure about that. If you’d like to go into more detail I’d love to hear it. I am very proud of you for putting in that work and for improving yourself that is such a huge step honestly and I think it’s great. However, there is absolutely nothing wrong with remaining skinny over time, it takes lots and lots of work to improve just a little bit and everyone’s genetics are different.

I do not have time to respond to the last part right now but I am very sorry that is going on and I am sure it must take a large mental toll on you. If you ever need to talk one on one dm me and I will respond tomorrow. Hopefully this makes sense I am on a phone it is harder to see and text. Stay safe man