wsp dude, we don't talk too much ik, so these words might fall short or impact you in a different way than I intend, but I mean the best,
You've been going through some sh like we all do brother, some worse than others. This whole gf sister and best friend thing is stupid, and you might think it was stoppable, which it probably was. But it's in the past, you've done all you can bro, and you've been the better man in the situation by apologizing, and that's what matters man. I think that women are always gonna be tricky, and not knowing how they feel is the most dangerous part of it. But rn all the women in my life are backstabbing me when I haven't done anything wrong apart from being genuine and truthful, and I have to deal with that. Idk but whatever I do seems to piss them off, and maybe it's my problem, who knows, but I feel like you should never be 100% genuine in front of women. Push your boundaries with them only when you're flirting and that's about it. The best thing is to stick close to your friends who are guys and build stronger relationships with them first (for me I just tease the sh out of them and they do the same). Having suicidal thoughts sucks, and sometimes trying to get rid of them makes them worse, I can relate. But, (I mean this to help you out here, genuinely) I feel like the problem with a lot of people with mental health issues is that they think about themselves as a victim too much. Yes, sometimes life sucks and you want it to end, and sometimes you are the victim, but it's unhelpful to think of yourself as the victim in these situations because you are only digging yourself a deeper hole. Another unhelpful factor is dwelling too much on whatever is wrong with you and blaming it on that. Sure, having depression will cause certain things, but you have to not blame everything on depression, otherwise you will think about it too much and you'll live in complacency and underachieving. Don't get me wrong dude, I'm not saying this is you, I'm just warning you because sh can get even more tough real quick, and I don't want that to happen to you.
Now how to slow the downhill down. I know it's typical but for me it was following my passions, finding God, and trying to enjoy fun moments and cherish them. My passions are art and music and thats roughly it rn. But i feel like doing what you're good at or what you enjoy and doing it a lot is very helpful. If you're an introvert like me, spending time by yourself pursuing your passions is helpful. I've been progressing my skills from bad to alright in art, and I listen to tonnes of music and just focusing on setting up yourself for later years. I feel that finding somebody to look up to (in my instance God) is helpful. I'm not trying to make you into a Christian or nothing nor do I want you to believe everything I do, I just want you to think about what I'm saying for a sec. But I don't want my Christianity to put you off, so enough on that. In the end, one of the best things I did for myself was set up routines to stick to. Gymming is good for body image, (but I don't think your image is too important so long as you are presentable, and you know you are one of a kind in your own way), but also simply making your bed in the morning helps. Get a friend to help you out with your routines and be real with them, and keep them accountable for it. Work on areas of your life that you know you are lacking in, and you're only gonna go uphill right?
I don't really know much man, this is mainly based of my personal experiences, so you can do what you want with this advice. But hey, bro, I've got you, no matter what you do or who you are, and I'm doing this to help you out for real man.
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