Yeah, sure, I'll go for it.
This is probably gonna end up being more of some basic information about myself and insecurities, not really major problems, but whatever.
I'm pretty new to the actually active part of this community, so I'll start off with some basic stuff. I live in Massachusetts and am currently in high school. I go to an IB high school, (basically I take college courses in HS) so the schoolwork is a lot. I'm bilingual, and have been learning Chinese for over a decade now, since it's part of my schools curriculum. I consider myself a very physically active person, doing three sports a year(five-six days a week) and a nordic skiing training program over the summer four days a week.
Our school is VERY small, about 500 students, so we've all known each other for a while, although there are problems of their own with a grade of 45 students. I do cross country, nordic skiing, and ultimate frisbee, all of I and have pretty tight knit teams. The school I go to is also basically full of sweats, so I'm pretty much stuck getting straight A's to keep up with everyone(which yk kinda sucks because IB curriculum is hard). I guess I enjoy learning some stuff, but its mostly just a pain if I'm being honest. Since my school is so isolated, the majority of people really don't do drugs, smoke, or consume alcohol(there are of course exceptions, but no one I'm friends with), which is pretty cool. I suppose that also leads to less cool stories, but its alr. The benefits of this are that I have an extremely close group of friends, and I feel can genuinely rely on all of them. Going to such a small school will make it hard and possibly overwhelming to go to college tho, with the sheer volume of people there, and will also probably make it harder to have a large friend network(although I've been told I'm very confident and outgoing, so we'll see ig) . Still, I feel that most parts of my life are going very well. I'm lucky enough to not have any financial trouble in my household, and my parents have been really good to me. I have great friends and even people I don't like I can just avoid. I'm generally happy, aside from a few things.
Right now I really need to focus on breaking out of my lazy streak, but its genuinely hard for me. If I'm not otherwise occupied, I'll spend hours on my phone or computer playing games, watching youtube, or texting with friends(altho texting isn't as bad). I know that I need to focus on making myself a more well rounded person, but I feel like I do have an addiction to screens. I've tried to resolve this by doing things like limiting my phone's screen time, not being on it after 10pm, and restricting my computer, but its been a challenge, and one that I feel like I'm failing.
Another problem I have with myself is my weight. I'm 6'3, 150 pounds, which is pretty dam.n skinny. I really want to get to the 180 range, but no matter how much I eat it just doesn't happen. My eating patterns are all skewed as well. Some days I'll eat 5 meals, some days I'll just have a light snack for the entire day. This has been a constant problem for the last few years, and one I've actively been trying to fix, but am disappointed and disheartened by lack of progress. I would like to start working out more, but with cross country 6 days a week it's hard to find time, and working out more would also bring my weight down. It's pretty much been a constant problem, but I really would likely to be able to fix it in a year or two.
The main thing I think I really need to fix about myself right now is my motivation issues. For at least the past three years, it's been getting increasingly hard to make myself do things. It's gotten to a point where it mentally pains me to do simple tasks like homework, which has resulted in my grades slowly dipping. It's not like I'm depressed, I'm actually really happy in general, I just have no intrinsic or extrinsic factors to make me do something. The only things that work are really niche and do not apply to my day to day life, and never seem to work well enough. It should be simple to do something like make myself breakfast in the morning, but once I start thinking about it, I wonder if I should even do it, if it would be easier to just not. This has also led to other more personal problems that I'm not gonna get into here. In recent months though, I can really see this affecting my day to day life, in how I interact with friends, how I do sports, and how I do schoolwork, and has become an increasingly alarming problem.
Finally, the classic teenage issue of the female gender. My friends are generally male, but I'd say I still have a fair amount of female friends. However, I really would like to make more female friends, but I have a bit of a history of being a chicken in that regard. I'd be happy to get a girlfriend now, but I really don't know how I'd fare in a relationship right now with my motivational issues. I do genuinely want to be friends with more girls, it's just a bit awkward when you've been in the same class since kindergarten and haven't really spoken, then suddenly start talking to them in the middle of class.
Generally, I feel like life is going pretty well for me right now. I realize these things probably aren't even that much of a problem compared to the sh*t a lot of people are going through here, but I just felt like ranting a bit today lol. Hope everyone has a great one.
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