I feel upset, sad, sick, but still happy at the same time.I'm of course upset because I had to send my computer back in, I was in the middle of a video game and couldn't wait to start making videos again. I'm also upset because I have been sick for 5 months, and haven't been to school for the entire time, so of course I miss my friends and school ("Missing school?????" you are probably thinking; I also didn't think it was possible, until I wasn't at school for 5 months.). Of course missing school will have consequences, so once I start feeling better, I will be home schooled most likely through summer to get all caught up, which I am upset about. I am also upset that there is no cure to my sickness. In case you didn't already know, I'm sick with
CMV, which is a virus, so there is no cure, just waiting it out. I'm upset about this because everything would be better if I wasn't sick. I've already mainly recovered mentally (there were some bad bad days), and all ready to do everything, but the moment that I try to, I feel very very sick. Now you may be thinking: "Why don't you just push through feeling terrible?" Well the answer is quite simple: I am pushing as hard as I can 24/7, but even then, I just cant physically do it. I have the time, the resources and the willpower to do the home schooling and other things, but I just can't. Just one thing is stopping me, and I cant fix it. You can probably understand why I would be upset about that.
I'm sad because well everything. Most of the stuff above make me sad, but there is more than that. This entire ordeal with the sickness has taken a huge toll on my family, and I really don't like seeing them like that. It's got everybody stressed and upset, and with my dad working 2 jobs and going to school, he doesn't really have the time to take care of me (ie: get me water when I can't get up), and then there's my mom, who could lose her job that she has for ~20 years at any moment due to outsourcing, and she is our main income, so that's got everybody stressed out, especially mom, who hasn't made a resume in ~20 years, and the stuff she works with is customized for her and her co-workers, so getting a new job would be difficult.
But through all the frustration and sadness, I'm still happy. This is for one reason, and that is because I have the computer of my dreams. Back in the bad bad days, it was getting to the point that the medicine wasn't doing much and I was close to being suicidal. The only thing that could pull me out of all of that is something that would make me super super happy; something that I have wanted for a long time. There was only one thing, a $2500 computer. Yup. Anyway, one day it was really really bad, and I HAD to go to a doctors appointment, but I just couldn't go, I was getting all stressed, and everything was going to ****. That was when my mom ordered the computer. The moment I saw the receipt I could already feel the stress going away. And when it eventually came (a week ago I think), it all fully went away, and I was just happy. Since then, nothing, including having to send the computer back, could make me unhappy or stressed, because I know that I have the computer of my dreams. Another thing I should mention, I was really upset (as much as I could be) when my mom ordered the computer. That was because we are kinda in a financial situation (not too bad), and we didn't have $2500 to spend. So, my mom bought a $2500 computer to make me less stressed with money we didn't have. Now you may be wondering why this made me upset, parents are supposed to worry about financial stuff. Well, I am very loving and care about my family, and don't want our lives to be worse than they already are, and also I really don't want to be poor.
Congratulations on reading all of this, now forget it all as if this never happened.
