Pour Your Heart Out

Reminds me of The Dark Knight Rises. What's making you feel that way?

 

I I don't really know I just feel that way u know like I try to ask for help but my pride gets in the way you know?

 

Hm. So you end up not asking for help? What kind of help are you talking about, like just asking people questions in general?

 

I guess its just in general I think its because I feel like I should not even tho I should and it would just not help? I cant really explain in well

 

asking for help can be scary, but it always get easier. all ya have to do is work up the courage

 

ok thanks ill try next time

 

I agree with EasternBiker, asking for help can be difficult, especially when we don't know the people we ask very well. I guess if you're saying you're sometimes too prideful and don't want to accept the fact that you need help, try to remember that you're better off knowing something and risking embarrassment rather than not knowing something and risking more embarrassment.

 

ok its just i feel like ill be judged

 

Oh, I see. I think most people don't voice their judgement when someone asks a "dumb question," so maybe try to just focus on getting your answer instead of what other people think. There's a video on YouTube somewhere by Simon Sinek, where he talks about dumb questions. Basically, as dumb as your question might seem or be, you never know if someone else in the room also had the same question, and by asking that question, you just helped that person and possibly even more. Someone's got to ask the question, otherwise nobody would be able to learn.

 

oh huh ill try that and i think if i am helping someone out i might be able to feel better about that

 

I miss my friends and I wish I knew what to do to find people that like me enough to hang around me consistently I feel like I don’t have anyone to celebrate things with I feel like there’s no one to tell about what makes me happy and it just makes every excited moment into this realization that leaves me so lonely

 

I used to wish that bad things would happen to me so that I’d have friends or people there to comfort me, but whenever something bad or tragic or wtv tf happens all I want is to shut up and not interact with other people and I think it’s silly that I view the world like that sometimes. Sometimes I wonder if I were to die tomorrow if it would be a good thing, like I can’t mess up my relationships I still have left, these people might memorialize me or at least remember me as a better person than I know I am, maybe my story will bring someone a little light as they remember who I was instead of making them feel bad for how I feel like I’m going to turn out to be. I feel alone and I feel the most happy when I can plan something with others, and I think years and years of friends ignoring me or me lacking real social connection that deep made me require the friends that show that to me now, and I’m scared of not only being a burden on them but using them as a source of external happiness instead of internal happiness and driving them away, and I don’t know what to do. I feel silly for reaching out and asking people what they’re doing some night or seeing if they can text because I shouldn’t need those things to feel connected and happy. I feel like I’m a high maintenance person to keep around and I don’t want to be like that and I don’t want to be remembered like that but my fucjin soul hurts man my chest hurts like all the time sometimes my chest hurts so bad that everything I touch feels like it stings I feel so alone sometimes I feel like I could just curl up and whither away, I’m so scared of being a burden towards others that I think I turn into a burden because of that and I’m sorry im such a shitty friend but I don’t know what to do about it. I don’t want to annoy people and I don’t want to piss them off and I just wish I could take some moment where we were all sitting together and in a moment I felt peace and a moment I felt seen or wanted I could just keep that and focus on that and live focused in that moment and never forget that feeling because it’s what I miss almost always.

 

I love you

 

After so long, ive realized that letting go of someone you love can heal yourself. even if you still love that special someone all the negative feelings attached are gone, and i feel happier

 

Ruminating and dwelling on the things that make you unhappy will never heal you

 

Low-key just feel like I’m not doing anything right and atp I’m starting to genuinely wonder if I have clinical depression or even bipolar but it genuinely pisses me off when people self diagnose themselves with shir as an excuse to not think about life’s problems or provide a reason towards why they don’t need to be responsible about emotional management so I don’t want to be that guy. Also genuinely wondering if I have anxiety of some sort because I was sitting in a car with my friends today and nothing was going wrong and for the last mile I was driving I was just locked in on driving and I could hardly get inside because I was on the verge of having a panic attack and i don’t know why for some reason I just had this deep set hurt in my chest for so long and it kept aching more and more and my hands started to buzz and my head started to buzz and by the time i sat down on his couch downstairs I was having a hard time breathing and couldn’t calm myself down I don’t know what’s wrong with me. My whole day was off from when I woke up because someone (very rightfully so) texted me about something I said that I shouldn’t have and they weren’t worried about it but their friends thought I shouldn’t have said it to them and they wanted me to know I shouldn’t have done that and I’m glad they told me and I don’t want to be that guy that can’t accept criticism because that’s bulkshir and they don’t deserve that I want to be very open to communication with all my friends but I just felt incredibly alone for quite a while after even though i was with people and it got a lot worse a lot quicker as I was driving home and I don’t know what to do it feels like I’l need to cry and I can’t and it hurts my chest so badly I don’t know what to do so basically I’m a freak and I don’t even know what to do or where to move on with this information I just feel like I haven’t done anything right in a very very long time and ts ***** me up man

I’ve never had a problem crying in front of people not for years I’ve been able to keep my emotions well under control and someone made a passing remark about something I was doing that I shouldn’t be doing and there was nothing wrong with what they said and I was genuinely about to just sob on the ground right there I had to go use the bathroom to calm myself down and idk wtf is wrong with me like they’re my friend and they say nice things about me more than anyone has in a long time and there’s no reason they deserve me not being able to hear or accept that when they say it and my entire being had a visceral reaction to that and idk what to do everything is going right for me right now I had a great day and I just feel worse than I’ve felt in a long long time

 

I wish my friends knew how much they meant to me and how much they’ve done for me I have tried to tell them and i don’t think it connects to them in the way I mean it and it hurts because it feels like there’s just another example in my life where I can’t connect the same with someone and I can’t express how much I care for them it hurts me a lot

 

i was in the same boat. then i tried giving God a chance. if you haven't opened a Bible ever in your life, i recommend trying that. I was an atheist my whole life before a year ago. I pushed people back when they recommended me to Him. I thought it was a book full of fairy tales. But it isn't. If you can take 5 mins and drop all sense of pride and be vulnerable, then i recommend starting in the book of Matthew. God Bless

 

i think a big part of this is just a byproduct of being more emotionally mature than your average ~18 yo boy. i felt the same as you at that stage of my life too, but it got much better once everyone started getting older. it still isnt perfect, but boys/men under 25 are especially bad at being vulnerable, in touch with emotions etc. it sucks, there's no great way to navigate this, my solution was having more female friends in order to get the emotional maturity i wanted out of my relationships. try not to take it personally, men generally are just really ******* bad at being vulnerable and emotional lol. one day, hopefully, theyll figure it out and appreciate you for being there and vulnerable !

 

this is a little snippet of my, almost, daily diaries. I've been through a lot this past days so I hope it summarizes everything. There's a lot of context missing, but it's too personal to share. I just hope this helps anyone who feels the same way as I do.