A final goodbye

Many of you may know me as FreddySpaghetti, but I was recently banned. Anyways, here goes.

This a strange thing to post on an online game forum, I know. But this silly game has been a big part of my life for 11 years, and I feel the need to give some closure to a community that has helped shape me throughout my life; long before freeriderhd was even a thing, long before even canvasrider was a thing.

What you might not know about me is the severe depression I've dealt with since middle school. No matter what happens in my life, there's always this feeling of being a black hole of negative energy that doesn't deserve to exist. And to be honest, I can't take it anymore. Time and time again, it's been proven that I am really not worthy to inhabit a human body. I've tried to improve myself and tried drowning my sorrows in drugs and alcohol, but none of it works. The only solution I can think of at this point is to end my life. Sorry to be so dark, but this is my last day alive and I need to get this out somewhere.

I'd like to give a few mentions to people from all corners of the FRHD community that have affected me in some way.

CityShep you're definitely not here anymore, but thank you for being there for me when no one was. It really means a lot
alexander we had our differences throughout the years, but I'm grateful we were able to end on good terms in the end. You provided me with a lot of good wisdom.
Coolgamer3108 You're a good kid. You're going through a really tough time right now, but I hope you can keep looking forward. You have so much life ahead of you. Don't let people tell you what to be.
RAPPERJACK don't let these guys bring you down. You bring something new to the table and you need to act on that.
Minus thank you for being there when no one else was.
pssst I gave you a lot of ****, but to be honest I respect your dont-give-a-fudge attitude.
cky199 wish you were still here.
weem we used to be friends. I'm not sure what happened to you, but I wish things could've been like they were.

I'm sure there's many more, but it doesn't matter too much at this point.

Bye everyone.

 

DUDE NO. Seek help from your friends and family. No matter what, there's always someone who cares and loves you man, whether you know it or not. Don't let anyone get you down. If you do this, you'll be making the entire Free Rider Community very very sad, as well as your entire family tree of relatives. Don't you DARE give up bro. Keep on living, tough times come and go. Now stay strong and safe, and I expect you to be here tomorrow. Ok?

 

I think you may need to change yourself, I think the way you’ve been thinking about the world is completely wrong

 

is this for real? i mean if it is, sorry. life can get hard, but doing this isn't the way out. sorting through your problems and getting them straight is what you should do. this is just me talking, but have you considered religion?

 

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ 1-800-273-8255

 

i don't think threats of eternal damnation really save you from depression, bud. :/

 

no i wasn't talking about that side of it. oh well

 

The other side is the complete opposite of what you said. Eternal damnation would be replaced by eternal love, happiness and life in a breathtaking world.

 

FreddySpaghetti2 Dude, don't worry. I've had plenty of suicidal thoughts, tons of plans on how to kill myself, and have literally cried myself to sleep multiple times. I've been there before, buddy. All you need in a really dark time is someone out there for you. Something that gives you a reason to keep going. For me, that's all the people that would cry when they know I'm dead. I can't bear the thought of all the grief they would have to go through. What I recommend is for you to find the motive to continue life. Things can get impossible sometimes. Take a deep breath and think it through. I know it seems way easier to just end it, but how about everyone that cares about you? I once had a close friend die in a car crash in elementary. Every time I remember him, I always cry. Imagine if he took his own life. Unimaginable grief would be brought to anyone who knew him. I deeply recommend thinking this twice and really taking what I just said to heart.

Good luck and I really wish these hard times will be over soon.