Pour Your Heart Out

It's rough being stuck between needing help, but not wanting to burden others. But the way you've explained things leads me to believe you constantly burden yourself with unnecessary assumptions that almost always bring you down and prevent you from taking the next appropriate step to getting help.

If you need help, ask them. If the reaction wasn't as big as you anticipated, GOOD! It means you were overthinking things and your parents are most-likely not nearly as upset about things as you thought they would be.

You're assumptions put yourself in a catch-22. No matter how things go, you always find a way to make it seem like things are going terrible (sure it has gone terrible many times, but this seems very different). You need to make a conscious effort (if you haven't already) to identify which thoughts are assumptions, then decide which assumptions are the most egregious, and finally discard them. You can't just ignore all assumptions... that's really tough to do. I overthink things a lot and have a hard time settling with too many unknowns. Not sure if you are the same way in that regard, but you need to try getting rid of at least a few assumptions because right now it seems like most of them are holding you back.

This might be hard to because your assumptions seem to also try and satisfy everyone except yourself... minimize the burden on everyone else at your expense, that is. You need to find it in you to care even a little about yourself over others even at a basic level. I understand caring about everyone, but yourself. But when your mental health and subsequently your life, is at stake, you really need to re-evaluate whether or not it is worth giving these assumptions so much weight on the off chance that they might ease someone else's potential burden. Your assumptions hold you back from getting help on the slight chance that getting help might inconvenience someone. Not to mention how often people want to help you (in other words, quite the opposite of a burden)! I don't mean to repeat myself so much, but I don't know if my first explanation was satisfactory.

I hope some of what I suggested is helpful. I know what it's like to feel empty and worthless (relatively recently) and even question the importance of my very existence. But I also know that those feelings passed. How much time and effort it takes depends on individual situations. I think yours will take some effort, but I really hope you see how important it is that you try, in spite of assumptions weighing you down.

 

bro, I dont have as serious as a situation as you but somtimes I have intrusive thoughts like ending it because of a mental illness that I have, I know how rough it is and if you ever need a chat i am open

 

Are you kidding? I'm you're friend, at least somewhat. I don't want you to feel that way. It hurts me to hear you talk like that and I want you to know I'm sorry FOR you, not that it's my fault.

 

If you yourself is hurting, stop trying to keep up with appearances. You don't need to make others happy to become happy. That's just a cat and mouse game. Try and focus on working on yourself instead of chasing to please others.
Also, the grief of someone passing and simple sadness are two very different things. Yes, both can lead to depression when it's isolated, though grief could hit harder (and could last way longer) than sadness (especially to the ones who are closely around and/or love you).

Just a question. Do you know why you feel this way? If not, I'd suggest finding the root cause of your issue(s) to develop ways to overcome them.

 

^^^ = fax

 

So it seems, no close family thinks his problems are worth solving. We have no idea how in depth he went so we can suspect his parents simply don't care. If that's the case, it's up to you to look within your own self and figure out who, what and why you're acting this way. Once you figured out the problem, develop ways to tone down, get away and clear your head of the little things nagging negativity in your head.

I went through a few of Sham's posts here and two question always rings through my mind that haven't been answered. Why are you like this now and how did it start. Telling us how you've felt in part doesn't tell the story in full. Of which strategies people have suggested seemed to work for a matter of a few days. Why are you depressed? Who or what are you sad about? What's going on the inside or outside that would trigger such a long-standing ailment of sadness? ShamatoZ EarthShine

 

might dump some sh%t in here sometime




pretty down rn

 

if needed you can also talk to me on discord if you want to maybe talk to a person one to one, Significial#2566 hope you doin well man

 

Well I would like to start off with this I think that I have made the self-image that I'm a really happy person but in reality, I'm not and I feel that I want to do something about it. For some reason I know that my life is good I make my life good and that is doing stuff like working out and having free time but I just can't be happy for some reason I felt like I have tried everything I don't want to go into why I'm for some reason so sad all the time. I know i have done bad things and I know that I'm a bad person it's just I don't understand what to do about it I know that I do things that I'm not supposed to like doing. I know that maybe no one will read this and this is silly for writing this down on here but I had to say something I can't just say anything and this is not even scratching the surface at all. I feel like the only thing that has ever made me happy is drugs and friends but even that only lasts for a while I don't know man I thinking about just killing myself or something.

 

First off, stop with the self-pity. You fed yourself with negative thoughts of which you believed in. Since you believed there's no way out of your situation, you cannot move forward to a happier state of well-being. Everyone makes mistakes, no one lives on a happy path all their lives. Life isn't always ups. Long story short, killing yourself doesn't guarantee peace.

"I just can't be happy for some reason I felt like I have tried everything I don't want to go into why I'm for some reason so sad all the time"
Figure out what's triggering the sadness. There's a cause to everything. Find the cause, you'll be able to develop solutions/strategies to make it easier on yourself. Also, it could just be you need some encouragement in your life, gearing in the right direction. Drugs is a bad idea as it only works temporarily, and the addiction is another thing you don't want.

"I know i have done bad things and I know that I'm a bad person it's just I don't understand what to do about it I know that I do things that I'm not supposed to like doing"
Make it right. If you know you did something wrong and it's nagging you to the point where you cannot eat, sleep or think, you need make it right because that thing would make you feel like a terrible person after a certain time. Once you make it right, I guarantee you'll feel better. If you feel you're at fault, do you forgive yourself? Saying yes to this is easy but actually forgiving yourself is hard enough. Once you have forgave yourself for the wrongs that are nagging the back of your head, you might feel better. Also, try doing something different like going outside or do something relaxing to get you mind off of it.

How about you express how you feel in a personal journal? Whenever you feel sad, you can record your emotions in there, express how you feel and what not as a way to ease that buildup of sadness.
You're brave to open up dude. Proud of you for that.

 

I think this is pretty relevant:

There is music between statements, so just letting you know he isn't finished when the music starts for the first time.

This is for anyone, really.

 

I really, really, really liked that. Thanks for posting it here

 

I was in that state to a lower degree of severity, I can relate to both of you. ShamatoZ, you are about where I was at (now a good while ago, about 3-4 years ago). TRIPFLIP, you're about where I'm at now but on a bit of a different level. I'd recommend for either of you to start listening to people like Jocko Willink, Jordan Peterson, (Maybe Andrew Tate or Sneako if you are really getting fed up with the world and society these days..), Patrick Bet-David, etc. Guys like that have been more influential in my life in the past few years than most people know, and they really helped me get out of my slump. Drugs make it worse, hopelessly beating your meat to pr0n makes it worse, anything like that makes it worse. Something else that helped me is this sentence: "Fake It 'Till You Make It". That doesn't mean be an entirely fake person and change everything about yourself because that will also only make things worse. It means that if you are sad etc., start telling yourself that you are not sad. You don't have to pretend that everything is happy you know "sunshine and rainbows" to use a term, because that's not the world. There will always be darkness in the world, but even if you don't think you are, you ARE strong enough to beat the darkness. Sheer force of will is more powerful than people think it is, especially when you are depressed. Also, if you are taking "anti-depressants" or other pills of that nature, stop. They don't work and in some cases, they only make things worse with the illusion that they work when in reality they don't. Same thing goes for confidence, fake it 'till you make it. Start telling yourself that you can have the confidence that you wish you had, and eventually, you'll get it. Go talk to unfamiliar girls, or anyone for that matter. Get out into the world. There have been several studies that show that even a 10-minute conversation with an unfamiliar woman can raise a man's testosterone levels by AT LEAST 5% incases of low testosterone guys. I'm not saying that either of you have too-low testosterone levels, but there's also been studies in men that show a link between depression and low testosterone. This can be used to your advantage. The first few girls you talk to will terrify you (at least they did me) but once you talk to 2, 3, 4, it gets easy, and, by doing this and thus raising your testosterone, you will start to feel lots more motivated and happier. Another thing with this is that if you struggle with a m@sturbation addiction or pr0n addiction, it gives you an outlet aside from beating your meat. If you do have problems with that, I recommend blockers or something like NoF@p to help you quit. You will feel a lot more elevated if you stop doing that. Also, social media. If you spend a lot of time posting or worrying about what everyone else is doing, it will dampen your mood. Get out in real life and if you spend lots of time keeping up with your friends on social media to the point where its almost more so than you do irl, try to do the complete opposite of that. Interact with people in the real world.

I'm saying all of this from personal experiences in situations like the ones you guys are in, and I hope this helps. You are more valuable in the real world than you are not being alive. SUlClDE is not worth it. Please don't do it.

I took time to type all of this out in hopes that at least one part of it will make things better for either of you. If you've got any questions about it or whatever else you can message me on here or Discord (I check my discord a lot more frequently) UncleAndy#4862. I'm not trying to sound like a self-improvement guru, but just a guy who wants to help people out of the same situation he was in. Again, these are what worked for me.

Please contact if you guys need more of this, I'm happy to give whatever advice I can


Also, this doesn't only apply to ShamatoZ and TRIPFLIP. This is for anyone who happens to read this post.


Stay Strong

 

Here's where we at, man



The beginning of the school year I had finally started to feel more myself, and made 3 or 4 friends (not close, but you know what I mean). Moving took a huge toll on me and my mental health, and being at my grandmas really didn't help with that. I had struggled for about a year at this point, but I thought that starting my sophomore year I was going to stay ahead in my classes and get everything done. The year starts and my motivation gets sucked out the door. My schoolwork piles on immediately, and I struggle to keep up in my classes. I'm taking double math classes this year (my school has an "A-day, B-day" schedule, so I have 4 classes one day and 4 different classes the next, staggered every other day. 2 of those are math) pretty much so I can show my parents that I'm responsible and so that they'll be more accepting of me. I have been stressed every day, and I can't keep up. My parents expect me to be above a 3.7 GPA at any point in time, and graduate each quarter with at least a 3.8. The amount of work I have outside of school, and the amount of schoolwork I have now just doesn't seem compatible to me. I don't have any time to do anything outside of working, and it's just tiresome. I feel tired all the time, and not just in a sleepy way. I feel tired of life, tired of everything. I'm not in a majorly "suit cidle" mood, but I wish I was never born. I wish that I never made my impact on the world, and that I could just give up. sleep forever. I'm just done. I feel like I want to cry, laugh in a "oh im pissed" type of way, scream, and dive head first into a hole I'll never climb out of all at once. But I have to walk around acting like I'm normal. perfectly okay. The standard I'm supposed to be. the things I do don't give me happiness anymore, and I struggle to find anything that I enjoy. Whenever I go and do things with people, which is hardly never, I can't help but worry the entire time, and then get back home just to catch up on homework while more is being piled on me. My parents say nothing but "I told you so" to me and every time I want to scream and say that they didn't tell me. They didn't tell me that life was gonna chew me up and spit me back up, they didn't tell me that they were going to become colder one day and stop caring so much, they didn't tell me that we were going to move, they didn't tell me that I wasn't going to have any friends, they didn't tell me how shitty life can feel and they didn't tell me that being happy isn't a given in life. They didn't prepare me, and they didn't tell me what school was going to be like.

speaking on another note, everything I've mentioned is how I feel pretty much on every one of my birthdays, but maybe more gradual. Starting at the age of 12 I've realized that I didn't want to grow up. My birthday isn't something to celebrate, to me it feels like something to mourn. I miss so much being small. Playing on the playground at my library, going and hanging out for hours outside with my friends, being a kid and just not worrying. Eating lunch on top of statues' pedestals when I was 8, and going on bike rides everywhere and anywhere. playing Minecraft and going trick or treating. being able to be happy. I can't express in words how nostalgic I am. nostalgia isn't the word, it's so much stronger than that. just writing this down gives me a lump in my throat. I just want to be small. I wish I could restart my life. Or just not exist. I hate where I am now. My city, my room, I want to be the old me. I want to be back in 6th grade at recess. I don't know how to say this. I want so much to tell someone else this but I can't get myself to.

The other day I had pretty much what I would describe as a nervous breakdown and telling my parents basically I wasn't gonna take crap from them about switching into a lower math class and that I was going to do it. They made me wait 3 days to see my counselor and when I went in I went in just to be told I missed the deadline by less than 24 hours. switching into a single math class would have relieved me so much I can't explain. I have to wait till the end of October to switch, and at that point I don't know if my parents will even allow it. In the same breakdown my parents kept trying to interrupt me and keep me from talking and multiple times I expressed things that I haven't ever told anyone. And at the end basically said that if they weren't going to listen to me and interrupt me then I needed to get someone to listen to me. In a bout of anger my parents said that they would get me a therapist. That was a little over 3 weeks ago. Its not happening. I don't really know what they do, or how they'll help, but I know I need someone to talk to and just tell how I'm feeling. I need a solution to this and I just can't find one within myself. There are so many more words I want to say and don't know how to say, or think of and miss In the bout of the moment

I just wrote this all in a 15 minute period, and I could probably spend hours on end dumping about all the crap I feel. I don't know what to do with myself anymore, and can't bother to write anything more because I'm having trouble putting it into words. I don't know if this is even understandable because I wrote it all down impromptu, and honestly thinking about this makes me feel like I'm just some brat complaining about stress. Everyone gets stressed, and I feel like this is all cheesy in a sense. Like I should have more reasons for being sad. and mad. I feel like some pick-me saying stuff for attention, but it goes deeper than I can try to express in words


anyways whoever bothered to read this, thanks, and goodnight. I'm going to bed. hopefully you can have a good night too.

e; adding onto the nostalgia thing I'd like to note that I get way too attached to people and things. Especially after the move. Even looking back at freerider I get depressed thinking about people I used to know on here. I played this game for a year, and didn't even really care about it for more than 6 months and yet it makes me sad to think about things like Rcx and mwc2 and how fun this used to be. I think part of that has to be with the fact that things that used to make me happy make me sad, simply because they don't make me as happy as they used to. I feel like a kid that was playing at the playground, but then all of my friends disappeared in the blink of an eye. Left alone. Or maybe even like a child that forgot how to play, watching everyone around him. Idk man.

 

I feel the same way, hard to act perfect when I don't even come close to that
No matter what I do either, it doesn't seem like enough and I feel like I disappoint every single person I've ever known
I've made people's lives a bit worse by my existence, even if it's just for a while
There's so many people I could name that it's not even funny, I feel more like a liability to people than an actual person, which sucks a lot
part of the reason why I have no friends on the game or irl right there
also yeah, didn't want to grow up either, birthdays suck for me
kinda wish people could forget them, would be awesome
makes me wish I never grew up and realized the truth about who I am, sucks a lot of the time
growing up can definitely be tough
also can relate to that therapist point, parents recommended I get one and also said they'd take me to a doctor to get a recommendation, which was about over 6 months ago


I completely agree, having someone to talk to is important for any issues you have, big or small, it gives you some place to vent and not bottle up everything
don't be like me and let yourself crumble inside and hide everything away, one person who I will recommend to talk to a bit is Madara
he is very knowledgeable and accepting, and can be a good person to talk to, and there's me of course you can talk to, but I feel like you'd want a more positive person to go to
and for a therapist, get one if you'd like one, I see so many people getting one and it's never seemed like it would help, it doesn't seem like it's for everyone, people have different ways of coping
also yeah, sucks that your parents didn't prepare you for anything, I don't really think mine did either too much, especially not for emotional pain
also don't worry, it makes complete sense to me at least
I understand all those feelings and they can hit so hard
Also yeah, sad to look on this game and see so much gone now...
understand that feeling of solitude, literally all my friends from when I joined all quit, which sucks
Even my friend group from 2020 and 2021, mostly don't play anymore, if they do then they've all separated which kind of sucks a lot, so feels like I'm really the only one left out of my old friend group and can make the happy times seem so far away
also don't feel bad for pouring your heart out, people do it for their own reasons and I know that your reason isn't bad, you're looking for a place to say the things you want to say and this is a safe space

all in all, you've got some people to talk to on here if you ever need to talk to someone
know my message is a bit of a rant so apologies for that
night man

 

I have to give you respect for this. I see you've been doing some self-reflection. I'm proud of you. Rant away dude. This is a pour your heart out thread nonetheless.

"I feel the same way, hard to act perfect when I don't even come close to that"
Sham, no one is ever perfect. Everyone makes mistakes, everyone's lives are different from one another. You acknowledged that. No need for the self-pity bro. You're an amazing person and a great friend.

"Part of the reason why I have no friends on the game or irl right there"
1. You friend request people and later remove them.
2. You fear what others think of you correct?
That's a lot of doubt you got towards people. Making friends isn't something you should fear. Get to know people. If you don't feel safe around them, don't be around them. It's those little connections to people that makes life a little bit better and a little bit easier. If your friends don't play this game much anymore, keep their contacts, stay in touch. I lost physical connections to my friends after all we all graduated. Though, I kept contact with them just to have a good time.

"don't be like me and let yourself crumble inside and hide everything away, one person who I will recommend talking to a bit is Madara"
You haven't crumbled yet. You're still standing seeking help. You are perseverant, resilient. And that's a great trait to have. Yes, it may seem like you did the wrong thing but honestly, anyone going through similar, or identical circumstance, will fall into the same state as you. Not everyone knows what to do with their emotions when it gets to the tipping point.

Sometimes, life just isn't fair. Some stuff come in and messes you up trying to make you quit. But you don't know what potential you're carrying. Growing up, helps you move pass what you've gone through, acknowledge the mistakes, improve yourself and look up to what greatness you're going into. Darkness only lasts for a time dude. In the morning, joy will come. It may not be right now, but it will come soon. I know it.

 

Really sorry that you have to put up with this stuff from your parents. Maybe your parents are also stressed and have their own problems to worry about, but in my opinion it's not a justification for your parents to be purposefully ignorant. Asking for help shouldn't warrant an "OKAY OKAY OKAY, fine, we'll get you a therapist, alright??" type of response. It's frustrating that your parents treat you like you're asking to buy a toy truck when you were 5. I just wanted to say that I'm really sorry that you have to go through all this pain and neglect. AfterImage, I'll be here if you need someone to talk to. You're in my prayers. Stay strong.

 

Monthly motivational quotes by yours truly:
- Homework is like the News, the more you ignore it, the more you may miss out on stuff in the near future, try and stay up to date.
- Live the way you want, and don't let other people dictate for you, they're only there to influence your thoughts or hopefully make life better, stick to what you believe.
- You will regret the stuff you don't do more than the stuff you've already done. Even if the outcomes are either good or bad, giving it a go does no harm, it may get you somewhere in life, you just have to do it and find out.

 

i have felt a dark, looming presence come over me the past week or so. a sense that destiny is arriving, and that i am not prepared to deal with what is to come. ive been so anxious that i can barely login to the forums or discord and chat with my friends. i guess i only have myself to blame for this situation, as ive neglected my duties and responsibilities these past weeks... yet another of my many failings on this cursed earth.

i am so deathly afraid. in four days, if my track is not completed, i may have to give tplacella my forums login. it makes me shudder and weak at the knees to even admit that it is a possibility, but thus it is so.

please keep me in your prayers, so that i may not lose motivation or strength of will in the coming days.

 

I suggest focusing on what is going on and make it fuel you. I then I like to call this "letting off steam" and go for a solid 10-minute walk and let out all the stress, anxiety, anger etc. Once back home, read a book, any book, and relax for a bit, focusing on the words you're reading. Then, do something you like, besides FRHD, for however long you please. Then read over this comment again. Whatever is happening in real life I have little control over, but much of your issues are happening online. Although such activities can be fun, most of the time they get you nowhere. They only help with pleasing oneself and interacting with others. So once you did what I said, get back to it with a fresh mind, and make sure you complete that track in 4 days. Not because you're going to give your forum login to me, but get the track done! I'm hoping it lives up to expectations and nothing else. If it isn't out in 4 days, so be it. I even told Eli that I might even not do anything with it and be sensible. There is nothing to fear. Although your comment you said could have entirely been a joke, I'm just reassuring you to not fear anything and just push through.