Pour Your Heart Out

Even though we might think people's problems aren't worth showing empathy for, we should still show respect to them and their concerns, which should be the bare minimum of common courtesy. Obviously it'd be nice to offer help to someone instead of not doing anything or caring at all, but don't go out of your way to make their day worse. Like, even if your classmate got a papercut, are you going to walk over and rub salt on their cut? If you're a sadist, then I suppose that's what you'd do, but I'd like to believe that none of you guys are sadists.
Sure, maybe it's funny to you and your friends, and it might not seem like that big of a deal to poke a little fun at a huge, buff guy crying over a small scrape. But how would we feel if the roles were switched? If you were the one who scraped themself, you might be crying because you were getting ready for your last chance to compete in the Olympia before retirement, and having a scrape basically ruins your chances of looking your best. As you're grieving over the lost chance of ever getting the title of Mr. Olympia, you see people laughing at you because all they see is this mountain of a man sobbing over a bit of lost skin.

 

tw; I made a post here a while ago, and honestly, I’m still scared to post here for the same reason. But I feel like I need to post somewhere about this. This is gonna be kinda a story thing because I don’t know how else to put anything going on rn into words.

Since I was born, my dad was abusive to my mother and my siblings. He used to hit them in front of me, and I was a baby and had no idea what was happening. My dad was addicted to methamphetamine (my mom was too, but she never laid a hand on me and my siblings). When I turned about 3, he started becoming physically and mentally abusive toward me, too. He would hit us and throw things at us, but he would hit us on the top and back of our heads no one would see the bruises and marks he left on us. He would figure out our insecurities and fears and exploit them over and over again. One of the only memories I still remember to this day from my early childhood is my dad holding and telling me that he wanted to kill my mother. This carried on until I was about 13 and was able to leave. But before that, when I was about 7, my mom went to work but she never actually made it to work. I still don’t know what happened to her, but I don’t think she’s dead. I have no reason to not think she’s dead, though.

Anyways, when I turned 13, I was able to leave my dad and I was adopted by my aunt and uncle (or my mom and dad, now). I was finally safe, but I wasn’t okay. I didn’t feel like a person, I felt like an object to be exploited and used as something to hit when you’re angry. So I started cutting and burning my arms and legs to feel something. When I hurt myself, I felt good and I felt human. I didn’t feel okay until I was able to cut myself again. It felt as if hurting myself made my anxiety and emptiness go away. Eventually when I was 14, I tried to hang myself and failed, and my parents found out.

They got me help. I started talking to a therapist and getting treatment and eventually I started feeling alive again. I stopped feeling the need to harm myself and I was clean for about a year and a helf. I started writing music and it helped me express myself and helped me cope. My biological dad is still in prison btw. But recently, starting sometime last year, my depression has been relapsing and I’ve been getting urges to hurt myself again. A couple days ago I tried cutting myself again and I don’t want to but I want to so bad and I don’t know what to do.

 

That's one rough upbringing, to say the least. I'm sorry you had to go through so much, but you're definitely very strong for overcoming it all. If you're still in contact with the therapist, or are still meeting with them, I think it would be good to let them know what's going on. This may or may not help, but if you're feeling like cutting yourself because you still feel like you're being treated like a punching bag, maybe it could feel good to hit back. Not hit other people, but beating up a punching bag or pillow or something might help. If you're still writing music, you could produce something that you feel expresses your emotions, or listen to other people's music. Sorry for the late reply, but you're welcome to talk to me if you think that would help.

 

Keep strong and be positive and thrive for the good thinks it’s tough just make sure to not let those tough thinks hold you back you are more then you think your Precious

 

A study from the European Journal of Social Psychology found an average of 66 days was required to form a habit. That's almost 1/5 of the year. So before you decide to start doing something, think about how it will affect your year and things in life. The earlier you get out of it, the more balance you'll have in the things you do in 2024.

 

I have some things to say. (open) I have some things to say. (close)

You can’t open up about anything in this f-cked up world we live in. The only exception is here, really. I’ve tried to open up in more places, I really did, but people don’t care and will do anything in their power to tear you down and make you feel even worse and more worthless than you already felt. When you finally start to get better and your mental health starts to become less bad, there’s always billions of people to reverse it. My therapist isn’t helping me like she used to, my aunt and uncle have, to my knowledge, stopped giving a sh-t about me, I’m cutting myself more, and I’m stuck here. My anger issues and violent tendencies have escalated a lot. It’s so bad that the slightest inconvenience sets me off and I have to control myself from hurting others, so I hurt myself instead. I’m scared. I overheard my aunt talking on the phone about sending me to some hospital, and I don’t wanna go. I can only help myself but I don’t want to. I feel like I f-cking deserve this. Everything that happens to me is already planned out and I’m forced to go the direction decided for me, and that direction is to the deepest pits of hell. I don’t know what to do. I’m sorry.

 

Maybe it's a good thing that you do go to a hospital. From what you've described in this message, it seems that you're already a danger to yourself and others, so it makes sense to give you the proper care by getting you into a hospital. At the hospital, people will be trained to be kind and patient with you, to listen to your thoughts and provide the necessary care and advice you need. You might feel that you're the only one that understands what's going on, and that no one else will be able to help you heal in whatever way, but I think you'll be proven different by the hospital staff. I'm sorry to hear that your therapist doesn't seem to be right for you, and that your aunt and uncle aren't caring about you. If they aren't able to help you, I think it's definitely a good idea to get yourself into the hands of medical professionals or get a new therapist. I hope all goes okay for you.

 

everybody on freerider supports you for who you are and to think that this is who you are behind the screen is just so insane to me. im sorry we couldnt have been more supportive of your mental health and i really hope you get better soon. i know its a struggle and it seems like a terrible thing to go through. we all give many shits about you and you are valued. you are a great person and i sincerely hope you find your way in life

 

Yesterday this lady played Taylor swift in a car I was in and that kinda sucked

 

<3

 

I got diagnosed with psychotic depression yesterday

 

I googled psychotic depression and it seems that you're struggling with some extreme form of depression, or whatever it is. The image on Wikipedia is quite dark, and I sure hope you're coping with this depression okay. Have they given you any medicine or whatever to help with this disorder?

 

I'm taking abilify and some other thing that i don't remember the name of and am too lazy to find out rn since its 9pm

 

im so sorry ck9c i hope you feel better

 

It may seem like it sometimes, but you are not stuck. There are people that care about you even if it doesnt seem like it. Your aunt and uncle do care about you, they might just have some trouble expressing it. And I know for sure everyone on freerider cares about you. I know this is cliche but theres always light at the end of the tunnel. Its true, you will get better. Just think about the future. You're 17 years old right now. Once you turn 18, you can move out, get a job, and live your life. Hang out with some supportive friends that make you laugh. You will get better, its only a matter of time.

 

That's good, I just wanted to know if you were getting some sort of medicine to help with your hallucinations and whatnot. I hope they help, and I'll be praying for you.

 

Thank you

 

Idk if I should get a girlfriend or not. I get like red faced whenever someone talks about girls and me, and i think that will happen a lot if I have a girlfriend. Im not actually embarrassed i think it’s just how my brain and body works or something. Also whenever someone says im blushing I never actually was blushing but then they said I was blushing so it made me think about blushing and then I was blushing, I hope that makes sense. I guess I want a girlfriend but I don’t want to get red faced whenever someone brings it up. There is this one girl who said she liked me like last year or something, and I’m beginning to like her too. So I don’t know if when or how I should tell her that I like her too. Any advice on how I should go about getting a girlfriend without being red faced whenever someone brings it up. I also sit with her and like five other people at lunch.

 

Honestly, I don't know. From a reddit post, it says to forget about blushing and being anxious, so in other words, I guess convince yourself that it's no big deal to be with a girl or have someone talk about women and you. Maybe someone else who has more experience can help, but that's all I know. Here it is if you want: link

 

Thanks