Be as unhelpful as possible forum game

Rules are simple.

Player one has a problem
Player two is unhelpful by keeping the problem the same or worse.
Player two then proceeds to pose yet another problem.

Example:
Player One: I don't have a lawn mower and my grass is knee-high. Can you help me?
Player Two: Absolutely! *switches on flamethrower and proceeds to set your lawn, and your home, on fire*

Player Two: Oh...that's not good. Can someone help me put out this raging fire?
Player Three: Yes, I will help you put out the fire. *Calls the fire department and police. Tells them that you are an arsonist*

Or it can be completely unrelated to the previous problem

Player Three: I just noticed that one of the tires on my car is flat, can anyone help?
Player Four: Sure, I'll help you! *Jacks the car up. Takes off the flat tire and puts it in the trunk of my car* See? No more flat tire. "Bye, see ya around." *Drives off*

Player Four: I was going for a walk and got caught in a downpour without an umbrella or rain gear. Can someone help me?
Player Five: Sure. *turns down the AC* It's now all snow and ice.

Simple enough.

Ill start

I have a flat tire and no spare, can anyone help?

 

I need to quit FreeriderHD. Can you help me?

 

Easiest way is to neck yourself.

I need help financing, can someone help me

 

Get rid of the baby.

I need help maintaining my frhd member of the year title.

 

oh shut the fucc up you don't need help with that

I need help taking care of Eli's baby

 

But it in an adoption centre.

I need help with finding something to get help for

 

Go to the library and learn something.

I need help to find the nearest cheesecake factory

 

Find some laxatives and a bottle of melatonin, then find the cheesecake.

I need help finding my dad

 

check the dairy section

I need help finding gains

 

Bulk for 5 years

I need help talking to girls. Can anyone help me?

 

Become one.

I need help sleeping

 

fall asleep

i need help

 

God helps those who help themselves

I have this really annoying song stuck in my head, it's driving me crazy.

 

shoot yourself in the head. the song will be gone

I need help understanding gay people (they scare me(im homophobic literally))

 

Become one yourself

I need help with earning money

 

Sell all your internal organs, you'll make a massive profit.

I have trouble understanding my chemistry.

 

Leave the gas on in the lab over the weekend and light a match when you get back to school - then you will understand simple combustion reactions.

I need help fixing my vacuum cleaner.

 

Throw it out and buy a new one

I need help getting better at this game

 

Get better

I need help getting rich

 

“If you’re homeless, just buy a house”

I need help with blessing the trending gods and getting a low quality track to be #1