Pour Your Heart Out

t

thx

 

As an online homeschooler nearly all my friends are online. Mostly met via my lovely school's forum.
I met one of such friends nearly 2 years ago. He was a very good friend, a very ebst friend. We were the duo that instantly clicked and had so much to talk about there was barely time to say it. Or rather he was not much of a conversationalist but i was a chaterbox, so it went well. We were close.
At that rate, I soon had a crush on him. I told him about it- he didn't like me back. It was alright, 'i'd get over it'. I still haven't today.
Following a series of events about 6 months ago we started talking less. I was busy- he was busy, i was on a family holiday and things of the sort. We still talked now and then but nothing like before.
After being far less busy(and more depressed) I picked up the habit of our chatting about 3 months ago. We still didn't talk as much as when we met first.
I asked him curious and tense who his forum bestie was. *sigh*
I regret asking, I should have guessed it wouldn't be me. It wasn't. It was some other girl I barely knew.
You don't have a crush on me OK, Ur the best friend ive got but u have a bestie-....
well, that hurt.
In a game of truth or dare he asked me if i had any crushes right now. I told him(fyi the answer was him and another guy lol) and returned the question. I shouldnt have, i regret it.
Course it was the bestie girl.
that was it.
I couldn't talk to him without feeling hurt anymore.
And whats more he had changed an awful lot. He wasnt the guy i had felt was my bestie, or the guy i had a crush on. he was so different.
We are back to not texting much :/
I'd say its made me feel better. I'll talk to him again- when i can bear it.

 

Rejection hurts been there done that, but in the words of shrek better out than in

 

XD
true dat
a fancy free heart is calming

 

revealed to one of my closer friends that i was having lots of thoughts to "self-destruct", and that I didn't want to be around anymore. That i wish that i'd be in a freak accident, like a car crash or something like that, so that it would affect those near me less.

I got yelled at, and called selfish. they told me how stupid I was, and that i just need to think clearer. That i just need to try and focus on being happier.

this is why i stick with people like a_drain . I can't with my friends IRL. I can't trust anymore. I've been slowly building trust with people, and to have it crash down like that hurts just as bad as anything else. I don't have barely any friends. I just want to crawl in bed and never leave

 

its too bad we don't go to the same school, Innominate i would be your friend

 

me 1 on 1 O.O
(I i started trusting people for a bad reason actually. i was like, guess what, i dont care about my heart break it 100 times over if u want.)

 

Ikr. But I guess they loved you nad dint want u to do that

 

sometimes the people u love are the people that harm u the most
and they dont even know

 

I would be your friend too

i could actually talk about freerider instead of hiding it like a nerd :/

 

Ikr*sighs*

 

That's true. But it felt and feels like the equivalent of kicking me in the ribs when I've already fallen on the ground. opening up to someone like that, and then being told immediately all of those things is something that you should never do. If that ever happens to you try and take it a little calmer and comfort them

I don't think that people understand how vulnerable and sensitive some people are, especially at times like that

this is so true. Sometimes you wield more power over a person and their actions then you realize

 

yeah.....

 

ikr- not mkae u feel guilty bruh. my dad does that a lot unknowingly.
ye, ud just need a shoulder ot lean on- not someone to criticise u!


mhm

 

they dont realize how much trust and courage it takes to do things like that then all u get is a blow DX

 

The only person i used to trust to ended up breaking my heart. he was an uncle. we used to talk a lot irl but he sucks at online communication so- when we werent visting home anymore(i live abroad) i felt like the floor had being pulled out from under my feet :/

 

yeah lol i have to check behind my shoulder to make sure no ones looking before i play free rider my friends make fun of me for playing this game but doesn't everyones?

 

ive been there totally understand you

 

my mum told me once something i'll never forget.
'Even if a knife cuts you sometimes, you keep using it.'
A knife is useful, but it can hurt.
friends and family are very important, but they can hurt u.
it shouldnt make you give up
just learn to use them better
its a hard lesson to learn
and i learned it the hard way XD
(im still learning it actually just put it up here as a reminder)

 

XD
i bet they have something they nerd about they dont want someone else to know too lol