Pour Your Heart Out

The wife died yesterday. I came back to see her lying on the kitchen floor, covered in faeces. I promptly dug her grave. The wife died yesterday. The last thing she said to me was "I feel like I'm going to fard and shid everywhere!". I ignored her. The wife died yesterday. I never told her I loved her. I always told her she was a stupid animal. The wife died yesterday.

 

wait what, is this sarcasm - or did a pet die. or did your wife actually die?!

 

clearly you misread it. his wife IS his pet, and they are both dead

 

ShamatoZ you have a suic*de plan??
Sorry if I’m way off base idk what’s going on

 

take it slow budddy.. think it through, all the hearts you will break of your family and friends. Is it worth it all? Life is a gift, so welcome it in open arms and if it's not working out, keep ploughing through the tough times, because there will always be a silver lining on the other side. If this is not the case, then seek help from somebody, don't keep all these clouded thoughts to yourself, that makes everything even worse. I really do hope you read and understand what I'm saying, it might help..

 

Supper inspiring.

 

dont we all at one point or another...

 

Man please don’t. I believe God created us and our purpose is living for Him and that He loves us. I can see why it’s hard to find purpose outside of that. I’ve sort of been there and it’s very dark. I’m sorry to hear that. As little as it might matter, I’m sure everyone here wants you here. And you will likely cause immense pain and guilt to others if you follow through. The devil wants all of us dead. Don’t let him win. May God protect you

 

Good for you! Tell me more.

Now answer this. Do you really think killing yourself is going to make you free from whatever you're feeling? If you think so, you're a downright fool.

I'm sorry for this but I have to be blatant so you understand. This has been happening for months with little to no success. Killing yourself will not set you free from whatever burden you feel now. Killing yourself will put your burden onto the ones who took the time to care and love you, enhance it 1000 fold and causing them to lose their minds. Ok you're dead. Then what? You think death is an easy trip out? No it's not. You're running away from the very thing you're trying to destroy and killing yourself will make you a loser, a puppet to your enemy. Just what the enemy wants you to do. Killing yourself now will not grant you salvation nor will it ever. It'll grant you more pain and suffering way worse than you feel now and I know you don't want that. You need help, deliverance from whatever is holding you captive. No one can make you happy or change your ways if you yourself don't make a move. The entire world can help you and if you yourself don't believe there's a way out of your struggle, it's worthless. Only one person can help you then and now. I can no longer do anything to help you or convince you but pray for you.

 

Don't do it sham please dont. Make a convo and talk to me about it man, i had plans like that a while back but I never went forward with it cause of all the bad possible things that would happen after. Please talk to me about

 

I remember trying to help Shamato through similar things in 2020, and now that its happening again, Im not sure about what to do.

 

I honestly need to have someone listen to me for one damn moment in my life so I guess I might as well go and talk here.

This is just something that I really want to say out loud and can’t. Please respond if you want to but it’s not necessarily directed for people to see. Just for me to feel like people are listening. I feel scared. A lot. I’m scared if growing up, I’m scared of ridicule, I’m scared of embarrassment, I’m scared of talking to someone and having them shun me. I’m scared that if I say something out loud, it will actually become real. Everything I write down is real, but I can pretend that I’m happy. I can tell myself “it’s just a phase”. I feel like if I say it out loud it will be different. I can’t go back. It’s more real. I’ve never said the words “actually, I’m not ok”. Or “I’m depressed” or anything like that. No one I know irl knows or probably will ever know what problems I have, so long as I’m alive. I’m very nostalgic a lot of the time. I don’t want to grow up. I moved about a year ago and my life has never been the same. It’s been pretty much horrible. I have acquaintances at best, and all of them live more than 15 minutes away. I’m constantly reminded that I have no friends. I feel like I have no personality, and that I’m just going through the motions. Day after day after day. All the same, all meaningless. I feel meaningless. Worthless. A piece of stinking crap. When I moved I turned to online forums, like this one, as my safe space. I felt happy talking to people. Enough that I was attached. And then I started to understand how toxic it is. I got bullied, told to kill myself, a walking talking meme. This was my only escape, telling me this. It started to reinforce my nagging thoughts. I firmly believed what I was being told. If we’re being honest I still do. During the school year I was stressed over school and I had my worst moments during then. High stress, something blows me up, and in those moments it’s when I shut myself in. Cry to myself, tell myself how broken I am. I thought when the school year was over everything would be better. I’d be happy. And yet…it was the same. Exactly the same. In reality there is much less stress, but I really believe everything else. It’s the exact fudging way it always was, just slightly less blowups. I really want to tell people these things and have them tell me it’s all going to be ok. And I’m so invisible to everyone I know that I know that pretty much is never gonna happen. There are so many things I have to say, and I don’t have the thoughts formulated yet. Maybe one day I’ll come back on here and tell you some more stuff, and probably ramble on more than my grandpa at a wedding. And before anyone says the classic “don’t do something you’ll regret, it hurts everyone around you” I have 2 things to say. 1 I’m not planning on doing anything currently, and 2 considering how much pain I’m in sometimes it might be better off a couple people are hurt for me not to suffer. And considering how rude and horrible some of the people I live with are, maybe I want them to be in pain for a bit. Get a taste of their own medicine.

good night.

 

agree with that last part a lot, I never want anything bad for anyone who hurts me, just want them to know how their actions feel to other people
and DM me anytime you need to chat, I'll be more than happy to listen to anything you need to say
sh*t can be tough and confusing a lot of the time and it can easily wear you down
one thing that is important to know is that you've got people here you can talk to like me or Madara for example, I know that being able to open up and talk to someone can help a lot, even if it takes some time

 

we

I feel you man, my teacher spanked me and sent my home for playing offline editor in class and my son just died

 

I just got back from work and I smelled like gasoline and I took a shower but my cat is hissing at me and crying. I'm worried that he hates me. What do I do?

 

cry with him

 

Hi

 

Hi Forum Legend

 

does anyone want to play 8 ball on imessage

 

So yeah…

First meds didn’t work so I’m on new ones. I have a psychiatrist that I see once a month and a therapist I see once a week.
Oh yeah I’ve also been in the hospital for about 2 hours. I’m not hurt (aside from my face which I’ve been cutting but they don’t know that). Just here so I don’t hurt myself.