Pour Your Heart Out

No one wants too

 

I am leaving use of this thread for the most part. Simply can’t use it due to parental problmes

 

oh

 

Hey, man. Sorry to hear that you're going through a rough time. We've all had our moments where we feel angry at people, and sometimes that person happens to be us. I myself also fall short of my expectations sometimes, and it's okay to feel frustrated. Harboring hate is sometimes justifiable, but don't hold on to it. Sure, in the heat of the moment you might feel disappointed in yourself, but you're not going to move forward if you degrade everything you do. If you find that you're not meeting your expectations, that's okay. It's okay to not be good at everything, but it's not okay to always give up.
You don't have to walk through it alone, either. There are people that truly care for you, who are willing to stand by your side and walk with you through the rain.
As Emma Stone put it, "Hold on to hope. Keep it alive. We have to be greater than what we suffer. My wish for you is to become hope. People need that. And even if we fail, what better way is there to live?"

 

nicely said a_drain

 

AfterImage

its true i made this thread to receive help one way or another, and im glad you benefited from it, but the most important and most impactful help comes within yourself, maybe this new phase of your life should be focused on self-help and self-repair. maybe you dont know how to do it or where to begin, but if you keep trying genuinely, you will find it eventually.
this was my favorite thing to do in my life, figuring out how to heal myself, build up enough patience and hope and love and go all out. go ballistic mode to figure yourself out, we as humans are self healers most of the time, so this is on your side, do what you're capable of and more.
i feel like you also could use more gratitude in your life, you may not have a lot of things that you want, but you should always be grateful for everything you already have, this specifically made me significantly less sad/depressed alot of the time. just try to focus on the positives and try to maintain them while simultaneously trying to make the negatives better.
and we're always with you by heart, we want you to be better, we want you to keep living and improving. so please do not hate yourself, you're a human being and amazing and friendly.
keep in mind this is all a test and we're here to evolve and to try and be the best version of ourselves possible. so never give up my friend.

 

Easy for you to say

 

But thanks drain and madara

 

Welp idk if I can top Madara and a_drain but I’ll say something. Sometimes it helps to just be amazed that I’m alive. It helps me to think about that God made me and thought of me and didn’t make a mistake when he made me so I don’t need to hate myself. I struggle with relying on people too much but try to find someone you can at least open up to, maybe a therapist. Music helps me as well. I love to listen to music that is very conscious and acknowledges dark things but also still contains a glimpse of hope. A song that has helped me recently is Breathe Into Me by Red (it’s metal but I love it). You can always open up to God and yeah it’s not like talking to a person but he hears you and will help you if you ask. Try to find some type of therapeutic hobby. Frhd might help a little but it’s not the healthiest coping skill out there. For me, I love drums and it’s therapeutic for me to drum. I also delved into magic which helps me not be down. I also love taking photos and recently got my first “gig” if you will. Try to find things you feel like you are made to do and pursue them. I’m working on this. There’s definitely something you are made to do And believe that you can make it through. You gonna go through things anyway so you might as well try to work on how you approach circumstances. Su.icide is never the answer. I’ve wanted to do it at times really recently. But we’re meant to be here and we shouldn’t take when we are leaving into our own hands. I just want you to remember most importantly that Jesus loves you to the point of death (he is alive again) so you can live even though you’ll die physically one day. All you have to do is trust Him that he can lead you to knowing God and living life with meaning for him because he sacrificed himself to forgive you of anything that might make you hate yourself and give you life forever.

You don’t need to acknowledge the last part. Or agree with everything I’ve said. Hopefully you can find something in this post to be helpful.

 

The only that has been stopping me from *bolded letters above* is knowing what it does to others. I am super messed up man, and some of the things that used to make me happy (growing up, getting a gf, marriage, etc.) are no longer happy for me, because I have so much improvement and know I would just screw up my kids/spouses life. I'm still a teen and decided im not doing that. That's how bad things are for me. I love drawing. Piano is meh, and photography and filmography are passions. But the only thing that grounds me is art (or lofi for whatever freakish reason). Drawing or photography. . IDK how to explain it to you but there aren't a lot of things that make me really happy anymore.

 

I will be happy for about a week at tops (usually ~3 days) and then fall back into a 2-4 week rut. I'm sick of it.

 

I used to be you but I figured out one day that all that stuff (depression etc.) was just in my head... If you want to change yourself into the person you want to be, you can (I know that sounds kinda cliche but its true) and if you've never really paid much attention to God, I suggest you look into the Bible and you'll hopefully find some things to get you out of that, and you can change yourself into a happy, successful person.

 

I'm going to be a little (very) blunt when I say this but I'm writing this right after reading so I don't know a better way of putting it, however my intentions are good and I mean it in the best way possible. You're wrong, and it's sad to see that you're too dense in the moment to notice that. In other threads you say that people continually ask if you're okay and if you want to talk, and you say that it ticks you off that they do that because you don't want to talk. Listen bud, they're asking you that because they care about YOU, and you aren't taking them up on the offer. you're saying that you don't want to talk because you don't trust them enough, but from what I've read in your posts throughout the years, you don't give them a chance to be trustworthy. You're pushing them out and then for you to turn around and say that "no one wants to" is arrogant and selfish and straight up rude to those who are trying to put themselves in your life to help you. What ShamatoZ said was spot on. You have to be the one to make that leap and trust people. It doesn't matter how many times your friends run to you to support and care for you, if you aren't willing to take them up on what they're trying so desperately to give you. What I'm trying to say essentially is that you can't have it both ways. You can't have friends asking if you're okay and if you want to talk about it, AND say that no one cares about you. Because you're wrong. It's as simple as that. People do care about you, like the multiple frhd members giving you good, solid advice that worked so well for them that they decided to put THEMSELVES out there just to help you, or your friends who you said yourself repeatedly ask if you're okay. All you have to do is open your eyes and see that they're actually there, and that not everyone is always trying to constantly use you.

 

I was talking about irl people…but thanks?

 

And allnn be I was saying to madara was that it sounds easier than it really is.‘I admire you guys cause some of you actually care about what happens to me…but the people irl don’t. I don’t want to come off as that because that’s not who I am.

 

In all those posts that you “read throughout the years (I’ve literally been a member for less than a year, active in the community even less, and trusting y’all a little more with this stuff further less time) I have always been grateful for people to ask how I am. It’s my irl friends that do it that ticks me off. Asking somebody once , that means something but asking them twenty times in a minute, that’s just for attention.

 

I guess I never specified and that’s my bad. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m selfish, arrogant, preideful and stupid. None of that is up for debate

 

The thing that makes having irl friends most difficult is realizing that someone isn't being a good friend to you. You try to hold up your end and they don't, and eventually it ends up weighing you down. You have to be real with yourself and consider, If these people don't even care that I'm struggling with depression, are they really my friends? And if they're only asking you how you're doing because they want attention, the thing to do isn't push them off. You say other people don't want to talk to you, but then you complain about how often they ask you to do that. Then you say you can't bring yourself to talk to them about it. So find someone who does care and who does want to listen. Make them your friend. Turn to God, the only one who can really help you. Ask Him for help overcoming that pride, and open up to someone who can get you help.

 

I was too.

I said years because we're in the start of 2022 and technically it's over the course of 2 years (2021 - 2022). In reality it's only like 5-6 months at most.

Also, no. It's not asking for attention. It's them trying to help you and you being too suborn to know that.

 

I’m irl people don’t actually care. If you knew my friends you’d understand. They are trying to embarrass me, they don’t actually care.