Pour Your Heart Out

I know I haven't felt worse than you nor understand what you are going through, but never feel bad for letting it all out like this. As long is doesn't hurt, it can only be a good thing. This thread was made for that. If you can't fully explain it, then letting it out can also be a good thing to help you understand your own feelings better to eventually be able to explain it. Maybe you can make that a goal. Understand your feelings well enough to explain them. That's been good for me, I think it will be good for you too even though I have never been in your shoes.

 

Everyone has there own problems. Some are worse than others and some have it better than most but everyone deserves solace no matter their situation. Feeling better isn't something that is earned. You don't have to be in pain for x amount of time to deserve help from others because someone else might need it more. Sometimes people just need help getting through a rough season in school, sometimes people need help with friend drama, sometimes someone needs help because a family member just died. The one whose family just died doesn't deserve more help or should get priority over the one who is failing school, they just may need MORE help. There is a big difference there and I want you to see that. You should never feel guilty of asking for help for the thought that someone MAY have it worse for you. You both deserve help just as much as the next person.

I can understand why you would feel like you can't take off your mask sometimes. Masks help with vulnerability. With a mask you feel secure and less self conscious. It's one less thing you have to worry about people seeing and judging so it almost becomes apart of you. It's the same reason why I always wear a sweatshirt and sweats, even if it's 80 degrees out, because I feel safe in those clothes. I don't know what is going on with you and I'm not going to force the knowledge onto me, you can tell me however much you want if anything. I don't know if you feel self conscious about how you look. I don't know if you do it because you're trying to protect yourself from a pain that someone else gave you in your past. I don't know if you do it because you don't want people to see through you into what you hold deep inside. Whatever it is, I know that there are people who feel the same way, myself included.

I feel your pain. I always help everyone I know. I take everyone's pain, I take everyone's sorrow, I take take all of their problems off of their chest and I bear it on mine even when I know I can't carry the weight. Why? Because it helps them. What do I get in return? Nothing, I have no one there of me. No one cares about the after effects of it but I still do it because I'm addicted to it. It's lonely tbh. To have the thought of yourself bearing everything you have to the people you love and then to have that not reciprocated. It's fine though, I don't do it for anything in return. I don't believe you do either. I think you're in the same boat as me where you've pushed yourself 10 fold past your breaking limit and now you're sick of greed. You're sick of everyone using you and not helping you when you need it. I think you're tired of all the fake friends and truthfully just want a real friend who gets you and cares about YOU. If I got that correctly, then I know that you and I are in the same situation together, and if I got it all wrong, then I will listen 'till I get it correct. Let me remind you that I'm not forcing myself into your life, if there is someone else you want to talk to or if you don't want to talk at all then by all means. But know there are people one a 2d bike game who will try their gosh darn best to help you with whatever you need.

 

AfterImage

i'll try to keep this short because there is too much i want to say lol, i'll give you general advice, you need more knowledge. you see, to understand something, you need to have knowledge, you need to make sense out of it because as humans we need to make sense of something to understand it. all of what you said was quite understandable, most people also go through similar situations and have similar thoughts. saying you shouldnt be sad because you have it better than others is like saying you shouldnt be happy because there are happier people. just like wayward wonderfully explained, there isnt a certain meter to when you need help with something. because problems are mostly relative to the person (i hope i worded that correctly). it is okay if you poured your heart out and it didnt help, its totally fine. its okay that you cant sometimes take your mask off. there are things i wish i cant tell you but i cant because they need to be lived through and understood. you will feel overwhelmed in your life alot of times at all ages, only the subjects change. but with time, you learn what to do with them and how to handle them. for example, a couple of years ago, i was very devastated and frustrated with everything because i couldnt understand life, emotions and death...etc. now even though i got alot of the answers i needed, i also i learnt how to handle these thoughts. when i have a thought and i need to understand it, you evaluate the circumstance, and you ask questions. then you seek answers. life is quite complicated and yet simple. but right now, you shouldnt let this take over your head and make you incapable of continuing your life. tackle these thoughts one at a time. understanding yourself takes alot of time, so please please please dont rush. its totally fine. take your time with it and always ask questions.
there are some other things i thought you should know, you dont really need anyone to understand you as long as you understand you. your current want of somebody to understand you is a result of you not understanding yourself completely. which again, is very normal. dont abide by community standards. dont just follow what the community says, you should first acquire knowledge and guidance, understand them, then evaluate whats right and wrong then do what you feel like. dont get it wrong tho, just because you want to do something it doesnt make it "ok", its quite more complicated than that, which is why first you need knowledge. alot of it. also, there are many questions in your heard which over a good amount of time, they will get answered naturally. you start understanding stuff without asking them. basically the more you live the more you'll realize simple some things are. read books. read advice books, parenting books, religious scriptures, stories, novels...etc. it doesnt matter what it is, you'll surely learn something from it. dont ignore your problems, but dont focus only on them either. i really do believe that life is a test, i take whatever pain and challenges God throws at me with honor. you might not agree with that and thats ok. just search, research, explore. i know thats alot of things to do and read lol, but do them one by one, i promise you, you wouldnt regret it. and definitely have fun while doing it.
having good friends is awesome, but imo also extremely overrated. i enjoy my own company the most. it surely is amazing to have other people with you and supporting you, but when you cant meet someone that you like or you admire, its okay to be "alone". being "alone" isnt as bad as people make it seem. its just as normal as having 100 friends. as long as you're satisfied with it, its lovely.

sorry if its all crammed together lol, i hope this helps you one way or another. even if it doesnt, i wish you the best and i hope you get the answers you want.

 

Anytime. Dunno if it was intended for me but if it was, I'm glad it helped.

 

I have had trouble and still do dealing with life in general. Today I had a realization that some people in my life didn’t care about me as much as I thought they did. You may feel miserable and helpless, but if you focus on other things it helps.
Find purpose. Thinking about the future helps a lot. Marriage, having the opportunity to raise children, and relationships are just a few reasons to keep going.

I also had suicidal thoughts today. Some I’ve haven’t had a very long time. I recommend watching the tv show Bojack Horseman. It pretty much cured my depression. It is a really honest, funny, sad, brave, interesting and deep show. It made me feel depressed yet emerged some hope inside of me, that life is worth living.

 

Dang bro what happened for the thoughts to start occurring today? Or did they just happen out of the blue?

Also I do. I can't wait to start a family and have kids and I don't have suicidal thoughts, I'm just lonely and sick of people using me. Thank you for the show request, I'll be sure to try it out

 

My best friend of like 4 years was sort of ignoring me. I had also skipped one of my classes and got confronted about it after school ended. I greeted the teacher although I was visually not in a good mood. The teacher didn’t reply with a hello and instead asked where I was during his class period. I had completely forgot that I skipped the class. Usually I would come up with a good excuse but today I was sort of honest. I said that I wasn’t feeling that good. The teacher was someone that I thought cared about me as a student, but I realized that not really anyone does. He said my excuse wasn’t good enough and then proceeded to tell me that the office was looking for me. At this time I was visually sad because of the situation with my friend and it did not even cross my teachers mind to ask if I was okay. I started to lose it and I walked into the bathroom. I walked down to practice afterwards but I could not really hide it. My best friend then asked if I was okay, but is his concern even real? I don’t know.

 

"He said my excuse wasn’t good enough and then proceeded to tell me that the office was looking for me"
Even if you've made the best excuse, he wouldn't have bought it. Same thing happens to my school. A lot of my kids leave the class for 30-60 minutes at a time and say they were in the "bathroom". so my teachers gathered the habit where you were just goofing off in that time period neglecting whatsoever could be going on via visual and/or verbal behaviour.

What I would've done in that moment was ask to talk to him privately or just go to the office and explain yourself. He doesn't know why you skipped class and most of the time people skip, it's just to goof off. Though, the teacher is sorta stupid not to see you weren't in a good mood.

If your friend willingly asks about how you're doing and you trust them, he's most likely concerned. Don't just jump on them saying "why you were ignoring me" because that would break the conversation.

This is just my thoughts so, I have no idea if this is helpful

 

Thank you.

 

pm

 

Okay first off, never apologize for venting. That's what this thread is for and you've done nothing wrong. Second, being awkward and different is part of living. Everyone is their hardest critic and it's normal to have those feelings about yourself. Third. Yeah you're right that dying would make things go away. You wouldn't have any responsibility, nor issues, and you would be in heaven at the feet of our savior. But the pain you feel doesn't just go away when you kill yourself, it only transfers to the shoulders of those who cared and loved you.

 

excuse me, don’t promote drugs. we dont encourage doing drugs here, as much as it might be “useful”, there are a ton of other healthy ways to cope with pain. if you do it then fine thats your decision, but do not promote it here. im not trying to start an argument here, simply don’t promote any type of drugs or alcohol. thank you.

 

agreeing with Sannin above ^
promoting things such as this, while they may have their benefits, neglects any negative things that may come from it as well.
There are better ways to cope, rather than resorting to something like that, and it could set you up in a bad way for life, if you ever get addicted to it.
Deceptive drugs used for coping aren't the best method of going about it (not saying flowers is, just the methods used to make it addictive)

In the past, I remember an incident occurring where someone was going to start using drugs, and many people disagreed with him using them, providing their own reasons.
I'm certainly no expert on how drugs affect your mental state, or physical, but I can say that certain ones can take you to dark places.
One personal example of this is how I lost both of my grandfather's to smoking. They never quit doing it, because they had done it for so long, and it still hurts to think how they lost their lives to something like that.
There are definitely better ways to cope with loss than promoting negative habits such as these ^
AfterImage I'm sure that once you find a method of coping that you feel best with, stick with that. I'm sure that other members can provide better examples than I could.

 

AfterImage this is for your profile post you made, thought it'd be more applicable here where it can't be deleted by some other user:

I know it will get better. I'm going through a similar thing, just not without the loss aspect. I know it will get better for you one day, it's better to hold out hope, because you never know what the future will hold for you.
I know it's not gonna get better for me and I've accepted that. It's how I am, it's my personality, it's everything about me that holds me back, and nobody wants anything to do with the real me.
As for you, I know your personality has to be different from mine, so I know you're going to find something in your life to shoot for, and it's gonna make you happier in the end, no matter how bad you feel now.

 

Wayward
Yeah, with love life as well, no matter how much care I show, and are "perfect" to these people, they end up leaving.
I'll say I'm wrong in a heartbeat, but I never do a single thing wrong. I show them as much love as you could possible show, yet they still leave?
I've kinda accepted that I'll never find love because of this, and I live around this fact, so anytime someone shows me attention in any way, it's never gonna be in that way, because nobody could love me, not the real me.
If they saw that, they'd abandon me just like they always have, because nobody that I've met so far over 2 years seems to want someone that actually fits what they want, they want to be with another guy who will treat them like ****, and then proceed to probably cry about it and feel bad for themselves, meanwhile they are the ones who left me.
It hurts, but I've come to terms with me being generally unwanted, this is also why I don't accept any praise in this community, I'm so broken that I don't accept positive things happening to me, because that's how I've been hurt, by letting my guard down.
I only accept negativity, but maybe it's better that way.
Anyway, that's what I feel. probably never gonna change

 

I feel that it's better to have moments of happiness, and coming from me, I hope you'll listen
Isn't that what life is about? We all have our happy and sad moments, some more intense than others, but changing your emotions is what makes you feel alive, rather than having a monotonous life.
Even if those happy moments are few and far between, that makes them stand out all the more clearly

 

Preach

 

I feel that it will always be better to have moments of good in your life, because that's what makes your life worth living
It gives you the hope and aspiration to continue on, despite all the troubles that may be thrown your way.

Coming from me, someone who's in as bad a mental state as you are right now, I absolutely feel that this is the best way to live your life, and in time, it will make you happier overall
Even if it's exhausting now, those moments will give you times to think back on, and think "hey, maybe this isn't so bad", and it will give you strength.

 

Had the best and longest relationship I had end about a month ago. We were LDR at different colleges but made it work. We took turns visiting each other’s home. We made our next plans to visit but then half a month after those plans were made she says she wanted a break then a week after wants to break up saying she was too busy for a relationship. Reached out two weeks after the break up for her to just tell me she’s “seeing” someone else already which sucked to hear and I haven’t talked again to her since because I told her I needed some space (about another 2 weeks since then). I still have really strong feelings for her but man it really sucks how she decided to end it, I hope she still maybe has some feelings for me. I want to try again one last time to reach out in November. Her social media presence has confused me since she wore the necklace with our date on it post break up and still has posts about her loving me during our relationship on Facebook which are the only things that makes me think she would like to hear from me.

 

WYATT?!