Pour Your Heart Out

told you

 

question what is Maine brain

 

long story short, its when you constantly misspell things. Wolf777 was patient zero.
i may or may not have minor symptoms of Maine Brain™

 

whats the long story

 

oh thanks

 

don't reply to my post unless you are talking to me

 

Sometimes, when I look at the mirror, I realize the person I am, maybe bad or good. But mostly, I think bad of myself and it's about my body. COVID-19 has made me feel conscious of my body wherever I go, and with my parents telling me that I'm a little overweight(not even a lot, just a little chunky, but my parents just make me feel worse and constantly telling me to workout), I just started to hate myself. But, right now, I have decided to put that one big fat "YET" sticker on my mirror telling myself that I can change this and the way I see myself. You should do it too. It's hard, but never hate yourself. Love yourself and stop focusing on your flaws instead of your strengths. The more you focus on your flaws, the more you'll hate yourself which could escalate to many bad things(including suicide). I'm only beginning to hate myself, but I am changing that and starting to love myself. Understand this, and you'll be the best person you'll ever be.

Thank you, brother, for helping me understand this. I love you.

 

Madara you r the best person for making this thread. The wisdom you have been granting us with is unimaginable. I appreciate how you r helping people in the imperfect world, but trying to change what you can. Mad Respect G. Also, to everyone else, don't hide your feelings, make sure to share them, bc if you do, there will be always someone to help you. If it's just you, you will cloud your reasonable thoughts and end up in the darkness. That's why Madara made this thread. Just Pour Your Heart and Feelings Out. Be Heard.

 

that is my dad and he is just trying to give u advice ok

 

hi

 

greetings everyone. i'll try to make this as short as possible keeping in mind that many of you have lives and better things to do that help me. here we go.

so i'd say that in about the year and a month that the covid-19 pandemic has struck the usa, i've gone outside about 40 times, which is low in itself. about 25 of those times has been to the park, where i make no social interaction with anyone other than those who went to the park with me. 10 of those times was to get fast food, which i actually find extraordinarily scary.

i hate ordering food.

my dad is always at work, and he is the provider of everything in my family. so that means my mom stays at home, taking care of myself and my sister. the native language of my parents is not english, so my mom always asks me to order fast food at the drive-thru window since she doesn't want to stutter and embarrass herself with her accent. i don't mind doing this for her, i would all the time if i could, but like i previously mentioned, i hate ordering fast food.

i don't have a stutter or anything. i can speak the language just fine.
i just don't like talking to other people.
don't get me wrong, i'm not a sociopath or a hermit. it's good to be around people. i just find it incredibly scary to have to talk to an adult.

i've been like this before the pandemic, but staying indoors all the time made me too used to my comfort zone, and now i find it even harder to carry out a normal conversation with an adult that isn't my close family. my palms and pits get sweaty, i blank out on what to say, and i become way too self-conscious about myself, my manner of speaking, and my appearance, i try to give myself a small pep talk and build my confidence and it works most of the time, but it's not a solution all the time.

a time where pep talks don't work is when i'm making a phone call.
i'd say making a phone call is my biggest fear, ever.

i prefer 100x to order food in-person than make a phone call and order. i freak out and simply become unable to can. i think this all originated when i was 6 or something and i got a phone call from my aunt (mom's side). i answered because mom was in shower and mistook her for my grandma (mom's side). in realizing my mistake, i simply said, oops sorry, but the nut case of my aunt made a huge deal over it (literally huge, my mom and my aunt fought it over and didn't talk to each other for over 3 years). from then on and till this day, i have an unimaginable fear of picking up the phone or calling someone (other than my mom, dad, or sister. they're fine. it's mainly restaurants, schools, relatives i've never met, mom's friends, parents of my friends, etc.)

tl;dr, someone please help me with my social skills. thanks everyone.

 

I had the same problem up until a few months ago, until one day when I went into a subway to throw something away. My mom stayed in the car, and we parked right in front of the door meaning she could see everything I did. I also tend to be painfully aware of everything I do and everything around me. I went inside, looked around (out of habit) at everything that was happening, saw the garbage can, and dropped my trash in it. When I got back to the car my mom just went 'tsskkk' and we drove home. okok so now my advice:

1: Focus on your task and what you want to accomplish, Like when you're ordering food, think in your mind what you want to say before you say it.
2: just be polite, keep a smile on your face and you'll eventually be more comfortable. We're all just people, really.
3: Don't try to do anything extra. When you're ordering food or talking to your mom's friend, you don't need to try and be funny or sound smart.
4: Don't think it's your fault. When you were on the phone with your aunt, just remember it's not your fault, and they were the one who handled the situation poorly. Or when you're ordering food, remember that you're only a customer, and the server is just doing their job. If the server messes up your order, it's not your burden.

ok that's all I've got, hope this helps.

 

ah this helps a lot. i'll keep in mind your tips so that i can get better at speaking to people. thanks legend.

 

MadMaxx21
i also had (still sometimes have) the same problem. probably the exact problem but because of different reasons. ever since i was a little kid, my mom would tell me not to open the door for strangers. and she was right since i technically live in Iraq *and tbh its not very safe because of the government so my mom was correct*. and not to answer any phone call because they some numbers will hack your phone and stuff like that unless its a number i already know. this and combined with the fact that im an introvert, all contributed to that whenever there is a knock on the door or i get a phone call, my heart immediately starts to beat faster. now, i've grown to cope with it, im still afraid of phone calls and door knocks. but now after a few seconds, i can make myself answer the door or the call. because i know this fear isnt healthy. the same thing goes about speaking in class. i used to be super shy, but i really liked asking questions relevant to the subject. so year after year i got used to raising my voice and speaking what i have in mind. and now in college i actually sometimes also give lectures. usually its about the English subject lol. since I speak it almost as well as my mother tongue. which now became on zoom. and last year was the year i stopped caring about what people might think of me when i stutter or make a mistake. i literally dont care now. 3 months ago, i gave a 45 minute lecture about the rubiks cube in class. it was only supposed to be 15 minutes but i just didnt stop talking lol. and my lecture was great. which really gave me a confidence boost.

why did i share this? well i wanted to give you my side of the story and to show you how i got better which is doing little things to improve the situation step by step.
1. reminding myself that my fear is unhealthy. now a little fear is ok, to be always prepared for anything, but the amount of fear i had was unhealthy.
2. even though i wasn't comfortable asking questions, i asked anyways and forced myself in these situations to gain experience and if i made a mistake, i'll try not to do it next time.
3. asking questions every day made me familiar with explaining concepts and also asking concepts which is important.
4. when i stopped caring about how they would laugh at me if i made a funny mistake or criticize me, it was like beating the final boss of a video game lol. i can speak freely and have conversations with the rest of the class. and also in daily life. now i dont care if someone doesnt like my hair cut, if i like it, then its ok unless its super crazy or something. now not caring about what people think is good for you, *and by people i mean strangers that have trash opinions*. of course, if they are your family or close friends, you should consider their opinions, and if possible, do what you wanted.

heres how this is all related to your situation:
1. reminding yourself that your fear is unhealthy and you are a person in the community and talking is your own right. you shouldnt be scared of such things. you should talk when you want and speak what you want. its your right to order and they have to listen to you and they have to give you the thing you ordered.
2. even though you arent comfortable in these situations, force yourself in the. as i understand from your message is that there is a nearby park which you sometimes go to. do this a daily habit, go to the park every day when you're free for like half an hour, go with or without headphones and walk around. find ways to engage in conversation. for example: someone walks by with a cute dog, you tell the person "oh what a cute dog! what his/her name?" and they tell you the name. and you say something to the dog and just keep walking. just average things like this. go to a market and ask the cashier if they having a good day. or how are they doing today. just these normal few sentence conversations.
3. related to the previous point, doing these every day will make your body and mind comfortable with these situations. it helps you know what to say and when to say it. even id you make a mistake, its ok. lets say you make an embarrassing mistake. which is pretty unlikely. but lets pretend it happens, the other person will only remember the situation for like a day or two tops. then they go o with life and forget about it. so its not a big deal.
4. stop caring (too much). which is self-explanatory. you dont have to agree with everyone. we're people and we're different. this will eventually help you make or answer phone calls much easier. its just a normal conversation with someone with no face.
also that argument with your mom and aunt is really not of your fault. nowadays, if i break a vase for example and my dad was mad at me and yelling, i'd be like "what are you doing man it was an accident chill" and i wouldn't be upset at all. i broke a vase accidentally, so what? life goes on. so yea.
i hope this helps.

 

Madara thanks man, you and this thread really are a life-saver. the "making conversation with random people to build talking skills" really spoke to me, i'm gonna start doing that often and stop thinking about others' opinions. much appreciated.

 

damn. just damn. just mf-ing damn. thx.




I can relate to the last one. When i do something accidentally, my dad starts yelling at me. Right now, i find it a little bit offensive and I take it in too much, but my older brother is like, "it don't matter. who cares. it was just an accident and not your fault." and I think I have just started to understand that about a few weeks ago

 

my mom keeps yelling at me about accidentally leaving class 7 minutes early and yells at me for getting 2 missing assignments and she tries to make a huge problem out of it even though i always get it done eventually and says that it's becoming more of a problem and she keeps yelling at me about being on my chromebook all day and tells me to put it away even when i have lots of homework to do and she threatens to smash my chromebook to pieces and i feel like she's been getting on my nerves recently and i feel lonely a lot especially since i don't really have any friends anymore outside of free rider hd and even my friends on free rider hd don't talk to me as much anymore and i sometimes feel like life isn't worth it anymore.

 

Assuming the Chromebook in question is provided by the school, I don't believe that she can actually break it without having to pay for it herself. I would generally ignore those kinds of threats

 

the chromebook is not provided by the school

 

Am I your friend? we can talk about life. just don't harm urself and don't hate urself