I might leave

(This picture is me FYI)

I have no point here. My levels just take up space and are complete crap for someone my level. I'm in a few collabs now, and I'll see how thy do. I'm at about a 50/50 chance of leaving soon. I know a lot of you will be happy, a lot sad, most not caring, but whatever. My reasons being
1: It's just not as fun as it used to be. I know this is pretty stereotypical for someone to say but Idc. It's not exceptionally boring, it's just not quite as fun.
2: As stated, I'm crap. I feel like whenever I upload a level, people are always thinking "why is he so successful? He doesn't deserve it!" And that's partially true, I don't deserve anything. In the end, I don't matter. In the game or real life. My sole existence is to make others happy, because I'm just a waste of skin and bones and money, for my parents sake.
3: I'm dying (not literally). My levels just aren't doing good. This is the least important thing I've said so far, but it needs to be said. It's not yall's fault. It's mine. I know I need to do better. But I don't know why, but I can't focus long enough to make long amazing tracks. I feel guilty if I don't upload every day, but I feel guilty if I upload a short level. I can't win. I have almost 900 subscribers and my last 4 levels never went past 25 likes. That's embarrassing. Like I said, this one I care the least about. And if I quit, I'll still play, and be on the forums. And I'll get the mobile app too.
4: It's interfering with my school. I spend 6 hours+ on this game every day. Yes I have no life. And it's only at school. I can't pay attention and play at the same time but if I don't upload, it eats me up inside.
5: I am mentally and physically f*cked. I wake up, thinking "how am I going to make me want to kill myself today? If I do, I'm even more of a disappointment to everyone I know. I go to school and people literally walk by and, I sh*t you not this happened yesterday, say "die you ugly cow." It doesn't affect me much because worse has happened to me, but I'm useless. At lunch I sit alone. On the bus I act happy so I don't depress everyone. At home I'm alone because my parents don't think anything I say matters. I'm outside and I'm alone because nobody wants to be seen with somebody as ugly as me. And at school I'm made fun of, marginalized, and thrown out. And I have positives, maybe. If people get to know me, maybe they'd see I'm not just a horrible person. I keep to myself, I don't talk to anyone I don't know, so what did I do wrong? Maybe it's depression or something stupid like that but I don't think so. Maybe I do deserve every ounce of hate both online and IRL that I get. I must have done something because everybody on earth can't all be wrong when they treat me like crap, so what did I do?

Sorry if I sound whiny. I have no one to talk to and I have my entire life story on my info page, which is something I've never told anyone. Ive never been this in-depth about myself to anyone. Never told anyone (other than family) that I was molested, and homeless, etc. So I'd like to thank the entire FRHD community for being (mostly) nice people and making me feel comfortable enough so that I could say things like this. Should I leave?

If anyone wants to PM me in private for any reason, I'll speak to anyone about anything. Just ask anyone that knows anything about psychology want to be my little online therapist for a bit?

 

Hope this thread gets some attention

 

I'll be your therapist/counselour or whatever
Also, don't leave!

 

I appreciate it

 

Hang in there, it all gets better after high school. How people treat you is a reflection of their own insecurities.

 

Thanks for the advice. I want to go in to game design/coding myself and the fact the developers of this game are so open, it's inspiring. High school sucks :/ and I've heard that it gets better from everyone, and I'm starting to believe it. Have a good one mate

 

(I didn't bother to read any of the long paragraphs in your statement)
Dude you don't have to tell us that you are going to leave, if you want to leave then leave. Don't give people a reason to feel pity for you, there are people worse off then you, like me. My family is really poor and can't afford college or even a decent meal once and a while (heck, we've eaten beans and rice every night for the past year and a half) , we live in a cabin out in the woods with no electricity, water, or reliable transportation. But I'm not like you always thinking to myself how horrible my life is. I take a positive view on the situation, I say "hey, once i'm older I'll move out of this place and live the more comfortable life that many of you guys are living right now." And as for you saying that your "levels" are doing horrible, don't focus on that. If you think you are successful, think again you are just lucky. You didn't have to work hard at all to get your measly 900 subscribers. Take for example Joelbmx, almost every single one of his tracks has been featured, but he only has a bit more than 300 subscribers. He is the perfect example of successful, I feel that his modest behavior (not hungry for likes and subscribers) is what makes him a role model. You should put your best into every track you make just like Joel. So its up to you. Either leave leaving behind a trail of lousy tracks that you didn't put any effort into, or you can take up a positive attitude and make a track that you can be proud of. I think you have the track making skills to really blow peoples minds.

 

I have been being a cynical arsehole.
First, I agree with most of what you said. I am too pessimistic and I know. I know people are a lot worse off than me and I complain too much about it. But you should've read it all because I addressed a lot of this. But I think I'll take your advice. I'm going to buckle down and destroy the trending list. Thanks.
PS if you don't have electricity how do you play FRHD? Like at the library or something?

 

yes a public library.

 

I use a school iPad. I'd love to play on a computer. Good luck with everything

 

I just thought in the middle of drawing, how messed up would it have been if I was like "nah, I'm too lazy. Screw you." I laughed at that.
In all seriousness though I'm taking everything you said and applying it to my life so...I know a thanks doesn't do much but this next level I upload I'm betting on at least 200 likes, I'll be sure to give you major credit. It's amazing how much just a paragraph of advice can do for a person.

 

Couple things you need to do.

1) Go for walks, get exercise, does the brain good.
2) Look into meditation.
3) Don't take this game seriously.

 

Another piece of advice, don't think about how many like you are going to get on a track. It doesn't help very much It will only heighten you expectations, and if your expectations aren't met you'll feel that the system is unfair and you'll get discouraged. Trust me I know, Iv'e set expectations that were not met and I endued up doing stupid things like starting fights with t he feat mods and a recent example is when I didn't get 1st in the remix contest I got mad and tried to fight my way to get what I expected (evidently it worked). If you are going to get your hopes up, make it reasonable. But if you put your time and effort into a good looking track your expectations will be surely met. Thank you for considering my advice, it means a lot.

 

I'm outside all the time. I'll try meditation though. And THIS GAME IS MY LIFE jk

 

And that's 3 things not a couple

 

I usually don't set like goals but yea I'm going to forget 200. I get what I get and I don't throw a fit.

 

thanks for the advice spruce! I'll go yell and get mad at people to get what i want!!!

 

Least you have a house to live in

 

Lol stop lying to me i know college is tough

But in all seriousness i wish you the best xLegendx don't leave!!!

 

Please don't bro,